My friend recently asked me what books I've been reading, I had a complete mind blank, and couldn't tell her. However I have been jotting it down in my bullet journal each time finished a book, so I can tell you.  I thought all the bookworms out there might appreciate an overview of my 2018 reading.

So here is everything I've read (so far) during 2018:

Adult Fiction:

Reason to Stay Alive by Matt Haig
This inspiring book teaches you about mental health, whilst telling the writers story.
I talk about it more here
Star rating: ★★★★★

Self Help, Career and Spiritual Teachings:

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Recently, I’ve been particularly unmotivated and taken habit in abandoning crossing off my to-do list and trading it in for seeing how much Netflix I can watch. It’s only now, I realise why. I, almost completely, gave up on myself. 

Failing is scary, and not failing, is even more so, because then what? Success can be underwhelming after working so hard, what if it doesn't live up to what I want it to be?

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My mum tried to, kindly, talk to me about the big 'what next'. She told me that I need to think about it. I haven't been able to stop crying since, because it's all I've been thinking about and still I don't have the answer.

Everything I want to do with my life takes the building, and it seems people in the career paths I want to be in, have been given different bricks to me. I'm not saying they didn't work for it, because I know they did. But what happens when the work doesn't seem to be paying off? When you're completely invisible, how do you make yourself seen? The work never seems to form anything tangible. Other people just don't seem to care about it, does that mean it's time to give up?

I don't want to spend the rest of my life, in a job I dislike, I want a career I'm proud of, one which I've built with my own two hands, but maybe I'm incapable of that.

Logically, I know they haven't, but I feel the people around me have waltzed into the right careers and I've barely taken a step forward since graduating if anything I've stepped backwards.

I turn 27 soon, and I don't have a job, which for someone who reads endless career books, is heartbreaking.

People keep telling me "loads of people have jobs they don't want" I know they do, but is it really such a bad thing that I want more than that for myself? Wanting to enjoy my life, is not too much to ask for, surely.
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Recently, I've found my self a little underwhelmed by my life, a little gutted that it isn't fuller. I've realised the life I'm living, is far from what I want. I've been wracking my brain endlessly, hoping for a solution to come to mind, something I can change to make everything fall into place because where I am right now, does not feel on the money.

I've considered how to put things right, what I can change. I left the job I was unhappy in. I did a whole lot of unfollowing on social media, I spent a full day 'hinching' my bedroom. Now, I'm unemployed, my social media feeds are quieter and my room is clean, and my life is still unfulfilled.


Then something hit me, the thing I need to work on changing is not my surroundings, it's me. The life I lead now is the life which I attracted. It's sort of a shit show, and that's all down to down to me.

I've been struggling lately. I've felt very alone and lost. I've been playing the victim, but now is the time I stop. It's the time I recognise a lot of this struggle is caused by the consequences of my own actions. My actions are something I can change and it's time for a change.

Of course, everything about this concept is daunting. Old habits die hard, you don't wake up one day and become a new person, it's a process.

So here are some things I'm going to work on changing:

1) Say yes, even when I'd rather spend my evening in the pjs reading my book  - I'm going to try to be more open to meeting new people, going to different places and just getting out more. I automatically sale my life short by choosing to stay in my bedroom when there is a whole world out there.

2) Run with ideas rather than putting them to the back of my mind - I tend to have loads of ideas buzzing around my head, and the majority of them get ignored, I guess mainly down to fear of trying. I'm going to try to ignore the fear, rather than the ideas and see how that works out for me.

3) Read more self-help and actually put the advice into practice - I'm a little obsessed with those slightly cringy self-help books. I tend to read them, but not actually do that much with the knowledge in them. I feel inspired for a day afterwards, and then I go back to living the same old life, rather than make the changes.

4) Practise what I preach: Meditate daily, write daily, read daily, keep a gratitude journal.

5) Fake it until I make it: Do the work I'd be doing if I already had the life I wanted.

6) Set realistic goals: Sometimes I think my goals can be over-ambitious, which then makes them scary, and leaves me doing nothing. I need to start concentrating on the next 5 minutes of my life instead of the next few years.

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Firstly, I would like to wish you all a very happy new year. Despite some people expressing feelings that New Years is overrated and resolutions are often broken within a week or so, I cannot help but love the feeling the start of a new year gives me. Although life hasn't changed much since yesterday I feel more hopeful and excited for the future.


2015 will be my first full year as a graduate, I am finally beginning to feel like an adult, and I am looking forward to beginning my life as an adult. I am sure it will be a year of a lot of new beginnings, which I feel is much needed in my life at the moment, and I feel my life is finally at a stage where I can feel as though, this is my year. I have finally finished education, and now it's down to me what I do with my life. I am excited about this year. For once in my life, I feel like I can fully understand the saying, the world is my oyster... I would also like to apologise for the cheesy clichéness of this blog post, it is what New Years does to me.

Reminiscing over 2014





Aims for 2015

By the end of 2015, I would also like to feel like a fitter and healthier person (like everyone else, I'm sure). As the year progresses on I am sure you'll be hearing much more about how that journey is coming along for me, as this is something I intend to document on my blog.

I have rambled far too much this post already, so I am going to cut the rest of my goal into short bullet points otherwise this blog post may go on forever.  So other things I would like to do this year are:

• Start drawing/painting again - used to spend a lot of time creating are, and for some reason, I stopped, I want to start again, I love drawing and it's something I'd love to improve my skills at, and maybe something I can even share on the blog one day.
• Start scrapbooking - after watching a youtube where Lily Pebbles spoke about her scrapbook I felt inspired, but still wasn't really considering scrapbooking as I thought I was something I wouldn't keep up, however, the next day I was sorting my room, and I kept finding bits and bobs (such as tickets, menus and photos) that I'd kept for memories sake but they didn't have a home when I realised scrapbooking would be the perfect way to tie up these loose ends that I'd like to keep.
• Keep a diary - when I realised I couldn't remember what had happened at the start of 2014, I decided I want to remember the next year, so I may write an entry each day but I am going to keep a diary throughout the year.
• Be nicer to people - I don't think I'm necessarily horrible to people now, but there's always room to be nice, right? I want to be kinder to strangers, make more effort with friends and cut out the nasty bitching.
• Read more - because reading is amazing.
• Improve my photography - because it's a skill I'd love to have.
• Don't get upset over silly things, like boys. I spent far too much time feeling down about things and people who weren't worth those emotions last year. Never again. 
• Be more organised - because how else am I going to keep on top of all of these aims?!