October has been a quiet month for me. I've not really done all that much, but I have found myself watching a little too much Netflix so this monthly round-up could be a tad TV-heavy.

What I've been up to:

- Watching too much: Somehow this has been the month I've realised I actually love binge watching new things, it's probably a sign I've had too much time on my hands. I have discovered some great Netflix series though (more details on what in the watching section of this post).

- Moving Bedrooms - My sister recently moved out, so now her old bedroom has had a spruce up, I've moved my things across the corridor, into the bigger bedroom. I've spent a lot of time organising my belonging, trying my make my new space feel like mine.

- Going for dinner with my friend Jess: My friend Jess and I have been for dinner a couple of times this month to try out new menus and catch up, so I've eaten a lot of yummy food and had many lovely, and hilarious chats.

- Taking myself for coffee: It's been nice to get out of the house and type away while sipping a delicious latte. I'm always more productive in a coffee shop, so taking myself out for coffee has been a nice way to break up my days and ensure I'm getting the work done.

- Writing. Because that's what I do.

- A Spontaneous Night Out: Dancing in a gay club with my friends, having only decided hours before that we were going turned out to be one of the best alcohol infused nights I've had in a while

- Pumpkin Carving: After complaining to my friend Matt about my lack of Halloween plans we decided to spend a Friday night carving pumpkins and drinking hot chocolates. I was over ambitious with my pumpkin design and decided to go for, so naturally, one of the bats looked like it had a broken wing - but I had a great time doing it, nonetheless.

Watching:

Riverdale: Oh, so Riverdale... I'm a little obsessed. I'm utterly confused about the genre, sometimes it is crime investigation, sometimes it's teen romance, sometimes it's supernatural and sometimes it's musical, however, this weird mash-up seems to work. As it has gone on, my opinion of Cheryl Blossom has changed and she is now my idol. Also, I think Jughead is kind of wonderful. I'll be honest, I think the new session may have gone a little too far down the supernatural route, but it's only on the second episode as I write this, so things could change.

A Typical: I love this Netflix series a lot. It's about the life of a teenage boy and his family. Sam the main character is on the autistic spectrum. They a normal family dynamic, each character with their own issues and story. It's just quite wholesome. It's funny at times and sad at other times and all it feels very real.

The Mind of Jake Paul: This series was great, unlike anything I'd ever watched on Youtube before. I know people have been complaining that it humanised Jake Paul too much... but he is a human, so why should be not be seen as one? Yeah, I get that he's messed up before and can be seen as problematic, but it was interesting to see another side to him, to find out more of what's made him, how he is. I just thought this was great tbh.

You Me Her: I have never heard of this Netflix series before I watched it, but honestly it's great. The series is based around a married couple who both fall in love with a college student. It explores sexuality, polyamorous relationships, societies expectations of relationships, family dynamics. It's just really interesting, a lot more happens in the series that you'd expect.

All I See is You: This film is starring Blake Lively tells the story of a blind woman who regains her vision and how that impacts her marriage. This film is very beautifully shot, and very thought-provoking, but also a little confusing at times.

The Kissing Booth: I rewatched this and remember how much I love this film. The is the story of how a kissing booth brings a relationship to life. It's just a feel-good teen rom-com.

Reading

Articles:
Dolly Alderton on Personality Types in The Sunday Times Style.
Dolly Alderton on Confronting the Man Who Ghosted Her in The Sunday Times Style
Sir Philip Green named in Parliament as businessman at centre of Britain's #MeToo scandal in The Telegraph
Vera Papisova on Why Breaking Up and Being SIngle is Actually the Best in Teen Vogue


Books:
Playing Big by Tara Mohr
The Start of Me and You by Emery Lord
Feminist Don't Wear Pink and Other Lies by Scarlett Curtis

Blogs:
Carly Rowena on Body Positivity
The Anna Edit: My Top Reads of 2018 so far
What Olivia Did: 5 Skincare Favourites

Listening:

Podcasts
Feminist Don't Wear Pink with Helen Fielding
On the Line with Eileen Kelly on Embracing Your Sexuality
Don't Panic on How to Host a Halloween Party


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I don't usually introduce the type of blog content I want to write, however, in this post, I want to talk a little about a blog series I've got planned before I go ahead and hit the publish button on some more personal posts.

I've always been somebody who has kept diaries. On and off through the years, I've written down my emotions. I've put pen to paper to figure out where I'm at with life. Diary writing is that it's very raw, which is exactly why I want to do a blog series on it.

Something that is very important to me writing this blog is that I'm authentic, true to myself, that I'm human and I'm imperfect and learning. Blog posts in the style of diary entries will be invasive, yes. They will be real and raw, and personally, I think that's exactly how all the writing that really speaks to me is.


I'm not 100% sure what form they will take, each one may vary, but here are some things you can have:

1) Photo diaries, something more visual, using my photography to walk you through something of my favourite days.

2) Talking about the events, and the people in my life, letting you into what my ways look like, from the boring ones to the more exciting ones.

3) How I'm feeling, honestly. At the moment that I'm writing, my worries, my gratitude. All the shadow and light that crosses my mind. I'm going to try to be vulnerable here because I think that matters. The stream of conscious posts will remain that, almost unedited as if the pages in my diary.

4) Short posts

5) Long posts

6) Exploring. my relationships, my emotions, who I am, and what shapes that.

7) Hurt that I'm feeling, happiness that I'm experiencing. Good days, and bad days.

I guess it will take a while to get into the swing to writing these, so we'll soon see how they turn out.


I want this to feel like a safe space, and this may do the opposite, but I hope by giving you a real peek into my imperfect mind, others might find comfort, and maybe I will too.


I wish I'd kept all of my old journals to look back over, but they've ended up binned, so now I'll keep them here, for anyone to read. These post I'm hoping will work well with the vlogs I've started to film (you can find my youtube channel here) as I've decided to start documenting, this very lost chapter of my life, capture my life while I'm figuring things out - the first of which will go live Wednesday.

Recently, I've found my self a little underwhelmed by my life, a little gutted that it isn't fuller. I've realised the life I'm living, is far from what I want. I've been wracking my brain endlessly, hoping for a solution to come to mind, something I can change to make everything fall into place because where I am right now, does not feel on the money.

I've considered how to put things right, what I can change. I left the job I was unhappy in. I did a whole lot of unfollowing on social media, I spent a full day 'hinching' my bedroom. Now, I'm unemployed, my social media feeds are quieter and my room is clean, and my life is still unfulfilled.


Then something hit me, the thing I need to work on changing is not my surroundings, it's me. The life I lead now is the life which I attracted. It's sort of a shit show, and that's all down to down to me.

I've been struggling lately. I've felt very alone and lost. I've been playing the victim, but now is the time I stop. It's the time I recognise a lot of this struggle is caused by the consequences of my own actions. My actions are something I can change and it's time for a change.

Of course, everything about this concept is daunting. Old habits die hard, you don't wake up one day and become a new person, it's a process.

So here are some things I'm going to work on changing:

1) Say yes, even when I'd rather spend my evening in the pjs reading my book  - I'm going to try to be more open to meeting new people, going to different places and just getting out more. I automatically sale my life short by choosing to stay in my bedroom when there is a whole world out there.

2) Run with ideas rather than putting them to the back of my mind - I tend to have loads of ideas buzzing around my head, and the majority of them get ignored, I guess mainly down to fear of trying. I'm going to try to ignore the fear, rather than the ideas and see how that works out for me.

3) Read more self-help and actually put the advice into practice - I'm a little obsessed with those slightly cringy self-help books. I tend to read them, but not actually do that much with the knowledge in them. I feel inspired for a day afterwards, and then I go back to living the same old life, rather than make the changes.

4) Practise what I preach: Meditate daily, write daily, read daily, keep a gratitude journal.

5) Fake it until I make it: Do the work I'd be doing if I already had the life I wanted.

6) Set realistic goals: Sometimes I think my goals can be over-ambitious, which then makes them scary, and leaves me doing nothing. I need to start concentrating on the next 5 minutes of my life instead of the next few years.

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If you follow me on Instagram, you might know that I recently went through a blue eyeliner phase. The electric blue liner I'd had for months was no longer forgotten at the back of my makeup drawer, instead, I used it most days. I was so impressed with the formula, I found myself spending far more than I intended to in a Kiko Cosmetics store on their 'Super Colour eyeliner' in a fair few shades.

So, after using these for a few months, I can say the shade I first fell in love with, 107 Blue Majorelle is still my favourite, closely followed by the brown shade, 102 Bronze.


Here's the lowdown on the shades I picked up and my thoughts on them:

109 Pearly Purple Cranesbill 

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On listening to a Nobody Panic podcast, on happiness, I found myself thinking about little joys. I'm someone who chasing tends the big things. I've found myself wrapped in sadness because the big things aren't happening to the timeline which I've decided is appropriate, and when these things do happen, I've built them up so high, that they're often underwhelming.

My main focus has shifted recently. I'm looking for happiness in all the places it hides. I'm searching for the smallest joys in my most mediocre days. Yes, this blog post is probably up there with one of the most cheesy things I've written, but I'm okay with that because I think with gratitude we become a magnet of good things. Yes, I am a law of attraction wanker.

Places I've found happiness recently:

• One returning from babysitting one Saturday night, rather than heading straight to bed, I found myself, my mum and my stepdad crowded around a phone singing Robbie Williams Angels. I'm not sure how it came about, but it was the purest happiest moment. We're all terrible, like really terrible at singing. English is my stepdads second language so naturally, he was getting the lyrics wrong. The shambles of this heartfelt performance that my neighbours probably hated us for made me grateful, that at 26 years old, I still live with two of my favourite people. It doesn't matter that I'm an adult living with my parents when I have a bloody great time with them.
• Wearing my favourite perfume - Spritzing on a bit of Glossier You, or Laura Mercier Ambre Passion sends a smile to my face every time I catch a whiff of myself and remember I smell delicious.
• Listening to a good podcast - Nobody Panic Podcast never fails to make me laugh, and CTRL ALT DELETE  always leaves me feeling inspired.
• In exercise - Crazy, I know, but there's something about only focusing on my body and nothing more.
• In texts from friends - from chats about Joe Sugg on Strictly to messages to let me know they're proud, I've found myself smiling at Whatsapp a lot recently.
• In books - Recently I've got into reading YA fiction again and there's something nostalgic about reading about teenage crushes and friendship, it just feels very wholesome.
• In ticking off to-do lists - A wave of relief and the feeling of accomplishment always washes over me after a productive day.
• In cups of tea and magazine articles - This Sunday tradition of mine always leaves me feeling content, so much so that it's become more of a daily tradition than a Sunday one.
• A social media break - Things we're getting a bit much recently so I decided I needed a bit of social media-free time, because follow counts, likes and losing the day to Instagram doesn't always make me feel great, so I deleted the twitter and Instagram apps from my phone and had a few days without worrying about what to post next and scrolling other peoples lives instead of living mine. I'm not perfect, so I obviously slip up a few times and had a peak on the newsfeeds, but I spent so much less time glued to my phone and didn't check Instagram the moment I woke. I might have lost a couple of followers but it was good for my soul.

How I'm making my day to day more joyful:

- Getting dressed every morning, wearing clothes that make me feel good.

- No saving my best, for best. Every day I should be living my best life.

- Turning off my phone more.

- Buying what I want, not what's cheapest.

- Listening to my intuition.

- Taking breaks when I need them but not letting them lead to unnecessary procrastination.



Photography: madeleiinegraceblogs ... I know you've seen photos from this shoot again and again in posts, I'm sorry - but I love them, so why not get my use out of them!
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After feeling absolutely disgusted that Topshop took down the Feminist Don't Wear Pink pop-up, I wanted to bring a bit of girl power to my blog, so I thought I'd move forward a post I had scheduled for later in the month...

Here is a list of women I admire:

Scarlett Curtis 

Yes, I drafted this list before the whole Topshop thing, and yes, Scarlett Curtis was someone it was inspired by. Scarlett is just doing so many good things for women, she is so wise and spreading so many good messages in the work she does with the Pink Protest, in her journalism, in her use of social media and now through her book and podcast. I am obsessed with her podcast, and I can't wait to read more of her book.

Gina Martin

Gina is so bloody inspiring. She campaigned to get the law against upskirting put into place, she spent some much time working to create change for other women, the world would be a better place if we were all this selfless. And beyond that, she often uses her platforms to talk about environmental issues on a day to day bases. I find her Instagram stories are the place to go to be educated on political and environmental issues in a digestible, unpatronising way.

Emma Watson

I feel my understanding of feminism grew a lot from Emma Watson's 'He for She' campaign, it taught me it's not a dirty word and it's wonderful to see someone use there influence for more than selling teeth whitening stripes.

My friend Jaynie 

My friend Jaynie most likely won't expect to have made this list, however, I find she is someone who speaks conversationally and eloquently about issues such as slut-shaming, animal welfare and everyday sexism, so when I decided I wanted to I included someone I know in this list, Jaynie was the first person to come to mind.

Lucy Siegle

I first discovered Lucy when she came to guest lecture at my University. She spoke to us about sustainable fashion and environmental issues. Since I have followed her on twitter and have learnt so much about the impact we have on the environment from her post, she has made me want to be a better person and take better care of our planet.

Victoria Magath/Inthefrow

Victoria is a blogger whose work ethic I really admire, you can see in the quality and quantity of the content she puts out that the girl works undeniably hard. You can see she is quite literally building her dreams and that determination is something we could all do with a bit more of.

Liv Purvis

Liv seems to be the kindest most down to earth blogger, and beyond that, she recently founded The Insecure Girls' Club, and it's just what the internet needs. The fact that she decided to create a hub to make us girls feel better about ourselves is really something.



If you're looking for some new women to follow, this girl gang I think about capable of changing the world, so they're worth having on your radar!

As ever, please let me know some of the great women you admire


C x



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Illustration by Ella Masters.

I am well and truly addicted to my phone, and honestly, I hate myself for it. I don't want to spend my time constantly looking at the screen, and losing hours of my life scrolling through Instagram. I love my phone, but sometimes I wonder if I was happier before iPhones were a thing. My phone is both my favourite and least favourite thing. It's great that I can fit so much technology in my pocket, that I have google maps if I get lost and I've always got a camera on me. But honestly, sometimes WhatsApp notification leaving me feeling anxious, and I feel a constant pressure to document life rather than just live it. Sometimes I find myself scrolling and before I've even realised it's happening I've wasted an hour. So with that in mind, my phone and I have headed off the couples therapy and I'm working on building a new positive relationship with it that isn't all-consuming.

Here are some of the ways I'm making my time on the phone more positive:

Turning it off 

Actually switching it off, and putting it in a drawer, as if it's a Nokia 3310. It's weird what a difference this makes. It's a reminder that I can be without it, I don't feel tempted to use it as a means of procrastination and it taught me that the world will not end when it's not on. I actually get things done when it's off and when it comes back on, hell I'm reading twitter updated that I haven't already seen four times before and social media actually becomes enjoyable again.

Not sleeping with it under my pillow 

My excuse for sleeping with my phone under my pillow has always been the alarm app, but honestly, I just found myself scrolling Instagram at 2am instead of snoozing. No smart alarm is going to make me less tired in the morning if I'm spending my nights staring at the light of my phone. So, I finally gave in and started placing my phone the other side of the room before bed, it cuts out the late night phone time, which means I sleep better and getting up in the morning is so much easier when I have no choice but to cross my bedroom to turn off that alarm.

Making use of screen time 

The new iPhone update came with the Screen Time feature so you can track how much you're using your phone, only allow use on certain apps for a certain amount of time, and personally, I think it's great, it's worth utilizing. I've set the downtime on my phone so, once it hits 10pm each night, my phone locks the majority of my apps, making it harder to access them. It gives you the option to unlock them, for the night or just for 15 mins, but it's a great reminder to give myself a bit of time away from the screen before settling down to bed.

Deleting some apps 

I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but I've found deleting certain apps has meant I've spent less time on my phone, using apps which I didn't make me feel good. I used to find myself spending my time on Snapchat and Facebook and really gaining nothing from it. Deleting the apps takes away that temptation.

Unfollowing 

 I'm sure you've heard it a thousand times before, but unfollowing those whos updates you don't enjoy changes everything. Laura Jane Williams once described Instagram to me as my own personal magazine which I get to curate myself, with that in mind, I tried to make sure it's a magazine which I enjoy every part of, that I come away from feeling good. I'm feeling more liberated with the unfollow button and social media has become a nicer place to be.

Forest App 

Once again, something I've previously mentioned, but if you struggling to put that phone down, or find yourself reaching for it when you should be working, this app is perfect. You set a time limit to grow and virtual tree, and you cannot use your phone until the tree has grown, it's surprising motivation working to grow fake plants.


I hope this helps if you're looking to tone down the phone addiction, I'm certainly spending less on my time looking at the little screen since I've put these things in place.


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What I've Been Up To:

- Writing: A whole lot of writing. I finally feel as though I'm making strides on the book I've been banging on about for months. It feels good to actually be writing it, rather than just talking about writing it, which I found was happening earlier in the year. I've also been writing and sending pitches into magazines, and you may have noticed I've bumped up my blog posts to twice a week (Monday mornings and Friday lunchtimes FYI). This has been a month of getting my head down and trying to get ahead with my to-do lists, so I don't spend the rest of the year chasing my own tail trying to keep up with my writing tasks.

- Hjs Birthday: My friend Hannah celebrated turning 27 at the start of the month, so we enjoyed a birthday tea with some close friends and her family. We ate too much cake and had lots of lovely chats.

- Influencer Collective Event: Myself and my friend Madi attended the first-ever Influencer Collective event, which was held in a beautiful bar in Bristol. Although I've blogged for years, I've not been to very many blogger events, so I was excited to go to this one. I was a little nervous at first, I'm naturally very shy, so I find events with people I don't know to be a tad overwhelming, but everyone made me feel very welcome. It was lovely to meet some other Bristol-based bloggers and influencers. I left with a huge goody bag, and smile on my face, feeling very grateful for the blogging community.

- Wills and Emmas Wedding: This month, my big brother finally got married! They decided Vegas wedding was more suited to them, so sadly I couldn't be there, but I am so happy they finally tied the knot. We all had a drink at home as we watched the video to celebrate. It felt very surreal. I can't wait to celebrate altogether when they return from their holiday.

- Ryleighs First Birthday: My best friends Jaynie's little baby Ryleigh turned 1 which is completely insane. But nonetheless, it's cause for celebration. We enjoyed an afternoon of giant Jenga, twister and baby cuddles to celebrate.

 - Decoration Plans: Not so long ago, my sister moved out of the family home, so besides the house is a whole lot quieter, it means one thing, I finally get a decent-sized bedroom. At the ages of 26, I can wave goodbye to my single bed, but before doing so, the room needs a little spruce up. So this month I have begun looking at paint samples, peeling wallpaper and planning my future bedroom, please send any interior inspo my way!

Watching:

Netflix

- Gossip Girl: Now, I'm going to be completely honest, in typical a Chloe fashion, I've watched the entire Gossip Girl series twice in a row. That right. I finished the series and headed straight back to Season 1 Episode 1. As soon as I found out who gossip girl was, I felt a niggling desire to rewatch it to analyse if that made sense, obsessive I know. The first episode I found quite problematic, especially for Chuck's character, but other than that, I love the series. I'm a little obsessed with Blairs and Chucks relationship, which again, is overly problematic, but there's something about the chemistry between the two. On watching the series the second time around, I also realised, I really don't like Serena's character as much as I originally thought I did. Dorota is obviously my favourite character. Anyway, if you're late to the party like I was, it's worth attending. It's sort of like a hybrid between Pretty Little Liars and One Tree Hill - so worth a watch.

- To All The Boys I've Loved Before: I've already given something thoughts on this in this blog post. I liked this chick flick, young adult rom-com - despite being aimed at girls 10 years younger than me, this is exactly the genre of film I love, something carefree, with romance. However, I do think because of the hype surrounding it, I found the film slightly disappointing, but I did still enjoy it.

- Sierra Burgess is a Loser: Like many of the reviews I read, I did find this film problematic. Throughout the film Sierra catfishes a guy, pretending to be the pretty girl who's bullied her. Her bully then becomes her friend and helps her catfish the guy. I get what they were trying to do, but it is really not okay to catfish someone, although it might be possible to become friends with someone who has previously bullied you, there would need to be some sort of a conversation, a confrontation about your past with that person, and why on earth did Sierra's friends not convince her, that actually she is good enough for the guy as herself. I don't think films always get it right when they try to explore social media (as they did on All the Boys I Loved Before). I did enjoy watching this film, but I don't think it put across a great message. However, I bloody love Noah Centineo as an actor, and I'm pleased he's appearing in more things (next I'd like him to take on the role of the groom at my wedding tbh).


YouTube

- Sam Ozkural: As I'm enjoying learning more about the Law of Attraction, I've been watching a lot of YouTube videos on it. Sam Ozkural is someone I've enjoyed coming back to, I find after watching her videos I feel positive and motivated. I don't love the 'diet' type videos she puts up, but I just choose not to watch those ones.

- Shane Dawson: The Mind of Jake Paul: Obviously. Some think this is problematic, personally, I think it's interesting. Sure, Jake doesn't deserve the attention, but he gets it elsewhere anyway, so it may as well be in the form of a documentary trying to understand why he is how he is, right? Shane definitely got carried away with the horror style editing in the second episode of the series, but other than that, I think it's great.

TV

Reading Material:

Books:

To All The Boys I've Loved Before by Jenny Han: I wrote a full review on this here.

PS I Still Love You by Jenny Han: I've finished the second is the series of To All The Boys I've Loved Before. I won't say much as I don't want to give anything anyway, but I didn't like it as much as the first one. It was good in the sense that I wanted to keep reading, but I found a lot of the relationships in the story felt very immature. I liked the introduction of Stormy's character. There was also less of Margot's character in this book which I somewhat appreciated. There was also less of Josh's character which felt a shame, and quite a lot of John's character considering how much of a small role he played in the first book. I'm on to the third one, so once I finish that I'll let you know my thoughts on the serious a whole.

You Are A Badass at Making Money by Jen Sincero: This book is great for getting in a positive mindset with money. I love the style of writing, Jen has a friendly but firm tone which I like. I find this book very motivating and inspiring. It is something you have to go into reading with an open mind, it discusses the Law of Attraction a lot throughout, you have to be open to that concept to get all you might want from the book.

Blogs
Madeleiine Grace: What I Learnt from All the Boys I've Loved

In The Frow: Why We Shouldn't Be Afraid to Praise Ourselves

Liv Purvis: Introducing The Insecure Girls' Club

Wonderful--You: My Career Journey

Hannah Gale: 29


Magazines:
Zadie Smith on Aging in Elle (Oct 18)

Dolly Alderton on Why She's Done with Dating in The Sunday Times Style

Selena Forrest on Viewpoint on Sexuality and Owning It in Vogue (Oct 18)

The Beckhams in Vogue (Oct 18)

Dolly Alderton on The Piers and Paula Theory in Red (Oct 18)

Emma Freud Interview with Ferne Cotton in Red (Oct 18)

Listening

Podcasts:

- On The Line: Break-ups with Jules Von Hep

- Feminist Don't Wear Pink with Jameela Jamil

- The Fringe of It with Gina Martin

- Millennial Love: Breaking the Stigma of being Single

- At Home with: Callie Thorpe

Excited for:

Feminist Don't Wear Pink and Other Lies by Scarlett Curtis

The remainder of Shane Dawsons In The Mind of Jake Paul

My friend Jess visiting.

Crunchy Autumn Leaves.

Autumn Jumpers.



I hope you had a great month too, let me know your favourite bits from it! 
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