I love to read. I've always loved to read. My mum calls me her little book worm. However I am a slow reader, ask me to read allowed and I fall to pieces. Although I love to read, and read often, I've found it takes me longer than most to finish a book. Recently I realised my chances of reaching my Goodreads goal of 30 for the year were slim, so I've been trying to find more time to read, beyond taking books in the bath and a couple of pages before bed. I've found myself reading on buses, in waiting rooms,  and during early mornings. I'm enjoying flicking through pages more than ever. I've fallen in love with reading all over again.

Often people come to me for book recommendations. With that and my desire to read more, I've decided to start a little online book club. Not the most innovative, I know. However, I thought it would be nice to get some conversation started around the books we are reading, and encourage each other to dip into fictional worlds and fill our minds with somebody else words.

If I'm completely honest, I'm not too sure how it will work, it's going to be some trial and error, but for now, on my Instagram, I'm going to sharing my thoughts on the books and will welcome others to join the conversation. I'll also create some Instagram templates for people to fill out and share on their story if they fancy. We'll be using #chloeharrietsbookclub, I'll create a highlight on my story full of book club stuff, and as ever, the books I can't put down will make the grid. Occasionally, I'm sure the book club content will make its way onto this blog, and across to my youtube channel.

We're going for a mixed bag of genres, as I like reading a bit of everything, so I'm simply going to choose titles which I'm excited to read, from the ones which have been collecting dust on my bookshelf, covers which I've found myself eyeing up in bookstores, and the ones I've been recommended.

As I'm trying to read more, I'm going to choose two books a month, one fictional, one nonfiction - ideally, one slightly shorter than the other so not to overwhelm, and of course, there's always the option to dip in and out of the book club, it's not necessary to read them all - I, however, will be because I want to challenge myself.

The Reading List:

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Sharper Emotions 

Sometimes I wonder
If I feel too intensely
If my heart breaks too easily
   Why I need to be handled so delicately
Desperately I desire to numb the sensitivity

The emotions that are sharper
Aren't just those darker
   My laugh echos louder
and smiles run deeper

My love creates cosmic energy
which I feel moving through each inch of me

So maybe it's a blessing
that I don't feel less

Although mostly it seems 
I'm an emotional mess.


___________

Too Sensitive

Maybe next time
before you
confidently claim
I'm too sensitive
You might
think of my feelings
before you go about
hurting them.


____________

Unsure

For a precious
perfect instant
I felt so sure

But a moon has passed
and I guess I don't
anymore.


___________

Mosaic 

I thought
   You'd changed
That the past was something
   we could rearrange.

Gentles kisses would allow me
to disengage
Instead, I'm questioning why I stayed,
mistakes I've made.

I hoped we'd make
what we'd broken
into something
     beautiful
Like a ceramic mosaic,
Sticking shards to create art, in the places it fell apart.

But there's familiar you
I see peeking through
between giggles and kind gestures.

I can't unsee
You can't unsay
So maybe it's best 
we call it a day.


______________

One Week

______________

Irrelevant 

How I strongly I feel
   for you
Is irrelevant
when it weakens
How I feel about
myself.


______________

Feeling Heavy

_____

Monochrome Kaleidoscope

It's like I'm looking through a
         cryptic kaleidoscope
Of mirrored, shattered
black, grey and white
In search of confidence, it will be alright.
When I can't see clearly
through the monochrome
Alone amongst dancing disjointed shapes
Unable to see means of
escape.


_______

Unreachable

Late twenties
longing
for a career
which I can't quite reach
Is the loneliest place,
I've ever been.


________

Happily ever after

I felt free and light and happy
and then you called me heavy
and then it hit me
the weight of us
the weight of falling back
in love
Wondering if I'm enough
or maybe I'm too much.
Of knowing I deserve better
More than the kindness you endeavour
but can't quite master.

There's Gilmore Girls and sunny days of laughter
and
occasional
coffee shop
tears
They leave you, confused. Unamused.
Brilliant, beautiful and emotional
It isn't a complete disaster
yet that's not the recipe for
happily after ever.


_________

Drunken, Dancing Souls

The music stops.
The light obnoxiously turns on.
We realise the crowd has dissolved into a few drunken souls
dancing
through the chatter-filled silence.

We're not ready to go home.


_________

Not so pretty poetry

These words entanglements
we're supposed to bear some resemblance
to poetry
   pretty poetry.

They shouldn't be means to complain
but my body and soul
I feel they've been drained
So we're left with the scribbles
of going insane.


________

I regularly post poetry on my Instagram, so if you enjoyed this post, head over there for more!

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Every now and then, usually, when things feel a bit much, I like to take the time to examine the forever growing gap between who I am, and who I want to be. Look to see if there are any small things I can do, actions I can take to begin to close that gap.

So, with this in mind here are some new habits I'm trying to implement:

Earlier mornings: 

I'm at my most productive when I wake up early. Not just because it gives me a few extra hours in the day, but because that's when the motivation naturally hits me. I like the quietness of mornings, and there's something wonderful in gifting myself an hour or two, to spend on myself, while the rest of the world is still waking up. The issue is, as much as the next person, I find leaving the comfort of my bed to be a challenge, and that snooze button far too tempting. I've got to a point now, where I'm in a good sleeping pattern, where I wake up around 6.30 naturally, yet still moving from my bed requires work. But I'm learning to force myself out of bed earlier, giving myself a bit of extra time for me in the morning.

Daily Poetry:

As cliché as it may be, I've been on a journey with writing poetry. Not a straight-line journey, more of a zigzag, all over the place journey. I've been attempted to stop cringing when I admit that I like writing poetry and instead to find pride in it. I've been writing more because I long to be better at it. I want to be able to brand myself as a poet without feeling the imposter syndrome. So I purchased a  beautiful new notebook, and I'm attempting to write daily poetry, in the hope that I'll improve and find gold amongst the nonsense. Alongside daily poetry writing, I'm starting my morning flicking through my much-loved poetry books, and having a read.

Morning Pages: 

Morning pages are something I've heard about time and time again, I wrote them for a bit but got out of the habit within a few weeks, when I found myself snooze my alarm instead of embracing mornings of notebook scribbling, however with all the earlier mornings I'm intending on having, it seems like a no brainer to spend some time writing morning pages. In case your unsure what I'm talking about, morning pages, are the page you write, purely for you, with no filter and no edit when you first wake in the morning. You're supposed to write without much thought of what you're writing for three pages, I've heard about them in countless Youtube videos, but the idea originates from this book.

Couch to 5K: 

I've definitely let things slip with my fitness in the past few months. So to ease myself back into it, I've begun doing couch to 5k. The few weeks we're a little to easy for me, as running is not completely new to me, however, now I'm stuck into it, I'm really enjoying exercise again.

Aeroplane mode:

 I spend too much time on my phone. I'm on my phone unnecessary amounts, and then I wonder why I haven't managed to tick everything off my to-do list, yet I spend an hour aimless scrolling Instagram. I definitely want to start spending more time with my phone on aeroplane mode, or do not disturb, or even just switched off. I think it will do incredible things for my productivity and mental health.

More reading:

I already read daily, however, I'm a slow reader so I don't read anywhere near as much as I want to. I know, the more read, the better I write and the more inspired I feel. So I'm trying to read more. I'm trying to make use of the which was usually wasted, by taking my book on the go with me, getting it out in waiting rooms and on buses, listening to audiobooks when I run and do my make up. I'm starting my days reading poetry and magazine articles. I'm going to bed earlier so I get more time with my book. For someone who reads a lot, I've not read very much so far this year, and if I ever want to meet my Goodreads target for the year (which is only 30) I need to make sure reading became a priority.

- My top was custom made in India, similar available - Jeans - Shoes (old, similar linked) - Lipstick Nars Heat Wave - Glasses (old, similar linked) - Bag -

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Lately, I've felt an urge to mix up the beauty routine. To simplify it. I'm very lucky that my skin is usually clear, and I felt confident to go completely bare-faced. Yet still, somehow, every time I wear makeup, I find myself spending time applying layers of products, which is absolutely great on those days I want to spend my time blending eyeshadow and painting my skin and leave the house with the knowledge I've made myself up how I wanted. Sometimes a long-winded, many products makeup routine can be empowering. However, sometimes I want to be able to blitz a beauty routine, embrace my skin as it is, and by just added a few products which make me feel a little fresher, and nothing more.

So I've been cutting out a few products, including Foundation, Contour, Brow Pomade and Eyeshadow and complete a daily beauty look with less. Going for a natural glowy look.


Here are the products I did still use:
Marc Jacobs Concealer (similar linked)
Chanel Bronzer Soleil Tan De Chanel
Glossier Cloud Paint in Puff
Marc Jacobs Glow Stick
Hourglass Ambient Lighting Powder
Lancome Mascara
Surratt Lash Curlers
Glossier The Cherry Balm Dot Com.

I've found myself also empowered knowing I can keep my make up routine simple on a day to day bases, and still feel confident.





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