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Monday, 19 March 2018

On Accepting Temporary.

The security of our choices is something which fluctuates, some things we decide create a blanket of safety, other demands us to fight our way through the unknown. There have been decisions which I have made with left me feeling stable, wrapped comfort in what seemed permanent. Whether that being the security I felt a year into my only real relationship, or starting a new job that felt like 'the one'.  To my surprise, these things didn't last, although at the time they felt like forever things.

There are times in our life, where it is expected to feel more secure, more stable with where we are at. In our late 20, society seems to anticipate us walking up a career ladder, buying a home and planning our future families with the one we love. In contrast to our early 20's, it's expected we're at the uni stage, where it's no surprise if we're sleeping around and wasting money on a degree we have no intention of using. There's also the classic midlife crisis when we get sick of the stability.

At 26 years old, I firmly thought I'd have things figured out by now, however, I really don't.

I'm not going to go on too much about how my life is not what I expected it to be, there's only so many times I can bang on about that before it gets boring, and predictable (I'm sure you can find plenty of posts if you look through my archive).

But I do want to talk about how temporary everything feels.

I am not settled in the slightest. After having a lot of career based cries, I'm coming to accept that I might just have to have a few more bridge jobs. I can't become an author before I write a book, and my blog is not making money, and until it does, it cannot pay the bills. Ultimately, I want to write and I want to blog. Anything, before I get to my goal, is temporary.

It's very easy to let that grey cloud consume me. To feel left behind, lost and worthless, even envious as I watch my friends smashing it with their careers. But sometimes, it takes a journey to get where you need to go. No one gets to skip the work, so it's time I stop hoping that I'll wake one day, and my blog will be raking in the cash. I mean, I will wake up many days that it does, but what I'm saying is, it won't happen overnight (4 years down the line, you'd think I'd have grasped that by now), I need to stop feeling sad that I am not an overnight success.

So it's time to suck it up and do the bridge jobs.  If I work in retail for a bit will not take away from the big plans, and who knows maybe I'll meet some really great people, and learn a few valuable lessons.

Accepting that they are temporary, is what will make them bareable.


I met a guy recently I met a guy 8 years ago and recently he popped back up in my life. We drank coffee and caught up, and I struggled to concentrate on what he was saying to because all I could think about is how I want to kiss him, and how did I never notice how attractive he is?  We're in the same place and the same time, and for once the timing is not off. But it is running out. He's moving away.

I cannot get attached, and our situation is screaming casual at me.

I've been asked me what the point is. Surely, there's no point, if he's leaving, it can't be anything real. But I see the point. Why does it hold less value if it's temporary? No, he's never going be my boyfriend, but I kind of like him, and want to invest the small amount of time I able to, into spending it with him

Of course, I am more than aware, there is nothing romantic in expiry dates, and building something on with the rule 'do not fall in love'.

 Sometimes, it's really as simple as, I just want to have a nice time for a bit.

Why should I not spend time with someone that I want to spend time because it's temporary and uncategorised?

I am not looking to fall in love, I wrote about my contentment with being single in last weeks post here, with that in mind, why can't I just enjoy something for what it is? Even Especially if it is not for long.

He will leave, but the world will not end. Isn't something small, and part-time better than nothing at all?

Sometimes bad and good walk hand in hand. If you want the good, the bad may come too.
It's nice to have a taster of both worlds. As long as I step carefully something temporary will fit for now. I just can't wrap myself up in it and bathe.

Temporary happens, whether planned or not. Sometimes temporary is a necessary stepping stone, and some things aren't meant forever. Sometimes the briefest moment is ones worth having.

What's wrong with thinking of right now, rather than a future which is forever changing? 

Outfit Details:

Something's clicked for me, since I've realised that temporary, is not that bad, it's freeing to embrace a forever changing world.


Monday, 12 March 2018

Falling in Love with Solitude.

The majority of my life I have been single. With just one serious relationship under my belt, which edged on just under three years of my existence.

I've spent a lot more time out of a relationship than in one, and it seems I've been through every possible phase of being single. I've felt unlovable and inadequate, left out and sick of third wheeling. I have been in unrequited love. I've found myself fancying every almost every new person which caught my eye, and I've tried to force chemistry when I was uninterest. I have desired something casual and prayed to the gods of fate that I'd fall in love at first sight. And then there's where I am at today, which feels like something more alien than all of the hurt and desperation. I am content with my independence.

I used to think, having a relationship would complete me. I felt envious of friends who had boyfriends to go home to, and a sharp ping of loneliness offered a regular reminder, I was 'unloved'.

To fall madly in love, get married and have a family was always something I thought was supposed to happen, it was predetermined. By the 26  I expected to be further ahead with this great plan, but more than that, assumed that would be a priority of mine. It is not, it almost feels irrelevant.

If I fall into a deep love which is return, that would be wonderful, yet if I don't my life will still be wonderful just in a different way. Not falling in love, or having a relationship won't take away from the person I am, and the things I will do.

I got asked on a date recently, by somebody I like, but it wasn't until I typed out my reply, I realised, I really am not looking for anything serious right now. For once in my life, I am finding living as I am, more important than searching for love.

There's this idea, that when we get to a certain age, around the ages I am at now, it's the time to settle down with a partner. If we're not in that place we are often painted in a light of sadness and considered lacking. We desperately swipe until our finger can manage no more because heck time is running out, right? But if I am happy now as things are, why do I need to add a relationship to the mix? Love is wonderful but chasing the idea of it, isn't so much. There also something completely freeing about not having to spend time mindless scrolling passed singles on tinder and endure the cringe-worthy messages.

There's something freeing in thinking, right now, I'm my only priority. I like that I only have to really worry about myself. My problems and my joys are mine alone. I am at a point in my life, where my main concern is my career or lack of. I've got a life to build, and I'd quite like to know I did it by myself.

It's nice to be selfish. I would like children one day (whole other topic that), and with that in mind, this is the only time I have to be selfish. I like that if I decide to move cities, I haven't got a whole other life to consider, and I can read before bed until whatever time I please (let's be honest, it will be no later than 10pm but it's nice to have options). I like the space my thoughts have, and I actually enjoy spending time by myself.  All of my stuff is my stuff, I don't have to make room for anyone else, or share the moisturiser I splashed out on.

When I was in a relationship, I got too comfortable leaning on somebody else. It's good to just stand up myself. It's good to feel worthy as an individual, and not to be thought of as one of two. Half the package.

Of course, I get lonely, everybody does. Sometimes, I think it would be nice to have someone, but that's a wave which leaves as quick as it arrives. I've been close to people in search of a cure for loneliness before, and that is not a tone I want to set for my relationship with anyone, including myself. I'd rather ride the waves of lonely if that means a few tears and self-doubt, than have someone replaceable to fill a hole.

Now, I know some relationships are wonderful, but for me, right now, there's joy in concentrating on me, and me alone.

I like that I'm the most important person in my life right now. Follow

Monday, 5 March 2018

Yes, I like myself.

I gave my mind the freedom to wander, and it led the way to a place of self-appreciation.  Absentmindedly I found myself thinking that I am, in fact, pretty great. It hit me that I really love myself. For a split-second, I felt paralysed with joy, and then almost immediately I scolded myself for this movement in my mind. I let it spiral into a stream of negativity. I couldn't help but think, when did I become so big headed, so self-obsessed?

Ironically. I continued to dislike myself, for liking myself. I was punishing myself, for carelessly feeling appreciative of me, when I realised I'd entered a gloomy paradox, a world of self-loathing because I felt ashamed to admit that actually, I'm alright.

Something I've been trying to remember is:

What others think of me, is none of my business. 

And although sometimes I feel like doing the ugliest crying when a boy doesn't fancy me back,  and there is an everlasting potent fear at the back of my mind that I am the friend who nobody really likes. These are things which still existed within my realm of self-love, they are things which I had found reached a point of acceptance with.

The only reason my self-love caused self-loathing, is the paranoia in my mind that echoed the mocking faceless voices of others chanting 'Chloe love herself" 'Get over yourself".  Narcissistic, I know.

Does it really matter what the people which my mind has materialised think of me, even if there is an overlap between them and the ones who make footprints in my world beyond my head? What others think of me, is none of my business, after all.

I am not saying I am perfect, I am not saying I haven't made mistakes. But I like who I am. I am not defined by my mistakes, yet they have helped shape the woman I've become.

Every moment of my life, I spend with myself, I have to endure every thought that crosses my mind, and live with the consequences of my every action, with that in mind, I'd rather not add to the stress of ~living~ by deciding  I'm not good enough.

What defines not good enough?
I get to decide, and I'd say, I am more than enough.

I should not feel guilty for the ping of joy I feel when a thought crosses my mind that I know is mine alone, and I love that I can look in the mirror and not be filled with disgust or disregard for the person I am growing into. I feel a sense of pride in the body I walk in and the values I hold.

My happiness should not be tarnished because society offers out reminders, that perfect does not exist, although some do a great job of mirroring it what it seems like across Instagram feeds. We live beyond the squares of Instagram, and you can decide beyond the curation of perfect images is a joyful place to be.

It's freeing to wake up in the morning and to be happy with you.

Outfit Details
Trousers: M&S

Photography: Madeleine Grace


Monday, 26 February 2018

My Go-To Minimal Make Up Products.

I've stripped back my once timely, product full makeup routine. I'm enjoying keeping things simple with more minimal make.  It saves precious time, plus a natural look can be more than enough.

Of course, it helps that I seem to have come across some products which really work for me. I find pleasure in using these quick and easy items, and with the finished result I feel put together and fresh - without using 4 different eyeshadow palettes, and spending a good 20 minutes blending.

IT Cosmetics Your Skin But Better CC Cream: It will come as no surprise this is still my favourite base products, I've raved about it so much. It really lives up to the name 'You Skin but Better'

Maybelline Eye Erase Concealer: I'll be honest, this isn't my favourite concealer, but it's doing the job for now. I find the package a little too messy. Although the shade is perfect, and it looks on application, I find through the day it goes a tad cakey. If you have any concealer recommendations, please send them my way!

Tanya Burr Cosmetics Contour Stick in Medium/Light: I really love the formula of this product, it's so creamy and blendable making it quick and easy to apply. I wish there were more shade available as I find the light/medium is a tad orange toned for me. It creates more of a sunkissed look which a bronzer would create, rather than the shadows more of a grey tone would create. It's great as a bronzer/contour hybrid but if you like a more intense contour, this may not be the one for you.

Glossier Cloud Paint in Dusk: Again, I've banged on about this so much, that I won't ramble on for too long. I love this as a way to give my cheeks a quick flush of colour. It's easy to apply and just makes you look healthy. I can see a few of the other shades entering my make up bag soon.

Marc Jacobs Glowstick in Spotlight: This cream highlight is so underrated. The shade iridescent shade sits somewhere between a gold and silver tone, meaning it's suitable for any skin tone and offers a colour which other highlighters don't. It's so creamy and easy to apply and blend out. Your highlight pops while still giving a somewhat natural glow. The shape of the packaging also makes it really easy to apply.

Hourglass Ambient Lighting Powder in Luminous Light: I've finally hit pan on this, and I feel like I need to repurchase ASAP. This fine powder is great for setting your make up if you like a glowy look. It's got some glitter in it, but it's subtly beautiful on the skin.

Benefit BrowZing in 2: I've sworn by this brow product since long before it had fancy silver packaging. The combination of the wax and powder products are perfect for filling in brows.

Glossier Boy Brow in Brown: This gives the brows the most incredible texture if you like them too look a little hairy this is the one to go for.

Surratt Eye Lash Curler: They are the most life-changing eyelash curlers ever, it gives my lashes volume I didn't know they had.

IT Cosmetics SuperHero Mascara: The product actually gives a bit of thickness, and length to my fine, unimpressive eyelashes.

Tanya Burr Cosmetics Selfie Last Mascara: The mascara grabs each little hair and defines it. It stays in place too which is always a bonus.

I also filmed a full, Get Ready with Me using these products, so if you want to see them in action, and listening to me have a little chat you can find that on my Youtube Channel... or you can watch it below!

Let me know your favourite go to quick and easy products! These are really tickling my fancy, but I'm always open to trying more (whether my bank account agrees or not!)


Monday, 19 February 2018

Little Things Count.

I've recently entered a familiar realm of sadness, and while I think it's important to ride it out, allow myself to feel. I also think it's just as important to control it before it spiralling. So here are some little things I'm doing to ensure my sadness in shortlived.

1) Reaching out to friends: I've recognised I've been feeling a sense of loneliness and isolation, so rather than dwell on that, and feeding my paranoia, by mentally listing all the reason I could believe that my friends don't actually like me and are attempting to ghost me, I'm simply texting to ask if they want to hang out.

2) Unfollowing: I'm terrible when it comes to following. I see a picture I like, or one tweet I relate to and immediately hit that follow button. I guess because there's no limit on who you can follow. However recently, I was on a friends twitter and noticed she only follow 80 odd people, and I thought to myself with envy "her twitter must be a nice place to be", and then I realised I follow thousands of people which make my social media feeds just as loud as my brain. So not to be that dick who unfollows but I'm going to be doing some unfollowing, for my own sake.

3) Facemask - My once completely clear skin which would cause me to brag how I never get spots, is cluttered with angry blemishes. I think stress has caused my skin to have a bad time. Rather than dwell on the fact my skin isn't looking great, I'm taking it as an excuse to do some facemask, give it that extra bit of love it's looking for.

4) Eating Healthy - The temptation to binge when I'm feeling down is high, but I'm trying my best to shake my head no to the overload of snack that I want and eat well because it just makes me feel a little nicer

5) Exercise - I mean, I'm yet to put this one into practice if I'm completely honest, but I'm trying my best to incorporate exercise into my life again because I know what good things it does for the mind. I want to try out Yoga, considering I've never met someone less flexible than me, it could be interesting.

6) Meditate - As well as moving your body, I think it's just important to be still, and alone with your thoughts. I'm going to get back into meditating, if you've been reading my blog a while, you'll know used to be obsessed with the Headspace apps, it's time to start using it again.

7) Delete the social media app which I mindlessly scroll on - I recently deleted my Facebook app from my phone, I don't miss it, and I don't waste time scrolling, or meeting with the devil of comparison. Snapchat will be going next.

8) Clean - It's not only therapeutic, but it creates a more inviting environment. I was having a terrible day yesterday, I walked into my bedroom, and was reminded I changed my bedding earlier that day and just one thing was slightly nice, and sometimes the smallest things, really count. I know clean bedding's not going to change the world, but it makes it the tiniest bit brighter.

9) Tweet less, blog more - I find it far too easy to tweet out a few words which poorly describe how I'm feeling which might not always come across how I intend and can make space feel quite negative. I'm going to try to take to blogging more when I've got something to say, so that I can talk about how I'm feeling in a longer form, that way I can hopefully understand it, and explain it better.

10) Write in my Diary - I'm trying to get back into the habit of writing down my thoughts each day, taking the time to explore my thoughts and pour my heart out into words on a page, just for me. I find this helps understand how I'm feeling, and gain a sense of control over it, plus it encourages me to practise my writing for no one other than myself.

Photography: Madeleine Grace

Outfit Details
Dress: ASOS 
Jacket:  H&M (old, similar linked)
Shoes: DMs (similar)
Bag: Zara (old, similar linked)
Lipstick: Chanel Rouge Allure Velvet in 37 L'Exubérante

I will do a full write up on this outfit soon, because, I mean, how cute that dress?!

I hope you found this post useful, I'd love to hear your thoughts!


Friday, 9 February 2018

My Most Worn Fragrances.

Something I often get asked about and complimented on is my choice in perfume, and 95% of the time the answer receives the reply "I've never heard of that" so I have come to the conclusion some of the favourite scents,  are kept a little too secret. They smell great, and deserve to be talked about more - so I thought I'd do a full blog post on some of my most worn fragrances. I am also a fan of mixing scents, to create something unique. So often, I'll be wearing more than one when asked, which tends to come as a surprise, but I think it's fun to experiment and see what works together. 

As I've mentioned before, I am truly awful at describing scents and doing them justice, so I'm going to include some notes from various websites to give some idea of what they are actually are like.
 Of course, if you like the sound of something I'd definitely recommend heading to a store where you can give it a whiff.

Dior Hypnotic Poison 

 Perhaps one of the more known of my selection. I wear this fragrance when I really want to feel special when I've got something nice planned. Every time I catch a whiff of myself when I wear this, I fall in love with it all over again

 Notes from Dior website: The mystery of Dior’s legendary forbidden fruit lives on in a magical, modern philter that blends femininity with boldness. 

Four contrasting facets 
– intoxicating bitter almond and carvi, opulent Sambac jasmine, mysterious Jacarandra and sensuous vanilla and musk 
– make for a compelling, bewitching fragrance fusion. Intoxicating and extravagant

Molecule 01 by Eccentric Molecules

This is by far one of my favourite fragrance, for a few reasons, it's supposed to smell different on each person who wears it, it's great for mixing, I always get asked what I'm wearing after I've sprayed this, and it only has one ingredient. The only downside is, I don't love the bottle, and why doesn't it have a lid?

Notes from the Harvey Nichols website: Molecule 01 contains only the aroma-chemical Iso E Super, which, on its own, is less of a fragrance than an effect. The wearer may notice a subtle, velvety, woody note which will vanish, then re-surface after some time. More than this, she or he will notice the impact the fragrance has on other people, because Molecule 01 lends an indefinable allure to the wearer. In fact, its effect is almost pheromonic.

Ambre Passion by Laura Mercier 

I think this scent gets the most compliments. My Mum, my Sister and I have all became hooked on it since we discovered it. As you can see, it's well loved.

Notes from the Space NK website: Splash on a little Laura Mercier Ambre Passion for an aromatic explosion of different scents.
At the centre of this perfume is the fragrant amber scent, a mix of feminine sweetness and the masculine musky, woodsy aroma. Combined with the soft, sweet smell of vanilla and the pungent aroma of sandalwood, musk and cedar wood, this fragrance is a pleasant contradiction in aromas. In addition to these aromas, patchouli’s sharp, earthy fragrance adds a sexy, sensual and velvety quality to the scent. Both soft and subtle while musky and earthy, the amber and the softer vanilla help balance out the strong and calmer scents that make up the olfactory explosion.

 Jimmy Choo

 This is another one the whole family seemed to invest in once we smelt it.

Notes from the Jimmy Choo website: Imagine femininity, luxury and style…bottled: introducing Jimmy Choo, the original fragrance.

A fragrance enveloping the woman with sensuality and seduction, with warm, rich and woody depths. Inspired by modern women - strong, empowered, beautiful, seductive and alluring with a mysterious sense of confident sensuality.

Angel by Thierry Mugler

This fragrance I've had a long relationship with, from remembering my sister wearing it as a teenager, and thinking it smelt disgusting, to falling in love with the scent as an adult.

Notes from the Perfume Shop website:
Angel is a mouth-watering delicious and sensual fragrance, a delicate blend of sweet Red Fruits, Soft Caramel, Honey and Praline combined with the captivating power of Patchouli and Vanilla. Angel is a luxurious, chic and timeless fragrance with a seductive edge.

Vanillé Eau Gourmande by Laura Mercier

It seems Laura Mercier has an underrated perfume selection - as two have now made my favourites. The scent is slighter sweeter and lighter than that rest.

Notes from the Laura Mercier website: Captures the essence of vanilla orchid & vanilla liqueur, vanilla musk, heliotrope, daylily, bourbon vanilla, sandalwood & amber.

Please let me know some of your go-to fragrances, I'd love to discover more!

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