If you follow me on Instagram, you may know I write poetry, which I used to post. Somewhere along the lines, imposter syndrome hit, and I became embarrassed of that vulnerability, so I deleted it from my feed, and like that, it went back to being my secret habit.

It's something which carries both shame and pride for me. It's often a source of insecurity, it feels like an uncool hobby, and the writing tends to be about my feelings, which although they matter, it can be pretty intense to be so raw with them. It feels cringe.

I've always loved writing poetry, despite never being particularly talented at it. I'm an over-thinker, an avid reader and a diary keeper, writing it feels natural, it slots into who I am.

I remember writing a poem with my auntie and uncle when I was younger, I think for a school project and enjoying playing with the words, laughing with them as we tried to create rhymes, and rearranged words. I remember the pride a felt when I figured the combination of those words which worked the best.

I wrote a  poem in primary school which got published in a local church book, and that was the first time I'd done something which had got recognised. I was so proud.

Once I made a tumblr, with the username Iwillbecomeawriter, where I posted poetry, but soon deleted it due to insecurity.

There have been times my head has felt like it's exploding and my heartbreaking, and finding a tangible, maybe beautiful way to put that on to paper, made it easier to cope. Despite being dreadful at spelling, I don't remember a time I wasn't fascinated with words and how we string them together. How they can carry weight and how the right combination of them, can make a person feel. Words can evoke emotion which you didn't even know was there.

I'm usually quite a closed person. I'm introverted, shy and I struggle to talk out loud about my feelings, it's not how I communicate, speaking doesn't always work for me, I stutter, and hold back, sometimes I simply can't seem to make the words move from my mind to something which comes out of my mouth. But writing down nonsense, and trying to make it something, trying to untangle how I feel amongst the words, that's what works for me.

I don't think I'm good at writing, but I long to be. I'm a great believer in practice so each day this month I'm writing a poem, whether I feel like it or not, and I'm posting it to this Instagram, whether I think it's good or not because I want to push myself. I want to teach myself to be better with words, I want to have the ability to make people feel, and I want to take in all that I feel.

It's cringe for sure, it's embarrassing, writing poetry. But some pretty cool people do it too, and I've felt nothing for than admiration for those people. Plus I'd be doing it whether I shared it or not, so it's about time I rediscovered that pride I had as a child when my poetry was published for others to see.



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As February draws to a close, I'm beginning to realise the goals I so enthusiastically wrote out in my bullet journal 28 days ago, we're not achieved, not one of them. I could reel off a million excuses, but that won't achieve those goals so I won't bother.

The goals I set were unrealistic, I set myself up for too much of a challenge, so instead of working towards them, I ignored them, and therefore achieved even less than I would have without the goals in place. It was counterproductive, to say the least.

So as March hits I'm trying to set more achievable goals, the kind that I can clearly tick off, and depend only on my own action - no more I'll reach... Instagram followers etc, because that is not as in my control as I'd like it to be.

So here they are, realistic March goals

- Write a poem a day, post it to my poetry Instagram account (if you want the link, let me know)

- Paint/draw at least once a week. I'm trying to get back into creating art, once a week is manageable whilst ensure it becomes a regular habit, plus there's nothing stopping me doing it more often.

- Meditate daily.

- Read 4+ new articles a week

- Read daily

- Send minimum 1 pitch a week. Hopefully more.

- Reach 60,000 words on the book I'm writing (as I write this, I have 11,398 words to go)

- Be active on social media, use it to network and share, send time each day posting on Instagram, replying to tweets and commenting on the Youtube videos I enjoy.

- Stay positive. okay so this one is not so trackable, but it's important.




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What I've Been Up To:

- Drinks with Kelsey: Myself and my friend Kelsey went for coffee one Friday afternoon, and after chatting about evverrrything over a latte, we decided to switch to wine and I found myself getting home at feeling a bit tipsy at 3am and in the best mood.

- A Sunday walk and roast with friends: A tradition I have with some of my friends going for a pub roast and a walk through nature on the occasional Sunday. So this month we went to Woodchester Park for our walk and it was wonderful.

- Valentines Day of Self Care: Being single on Valentine's day, I didn't do anything too exciting, but I did make the decision to have a lovely day nonetheless. I vlogged it which you can find here.

- Pinterest: This probably seems like a bit of a random thing to go on the list, but this month I've got so into Pinterest that I wanted to include it. If you're also a Pinterest lover, you can follow me here.

- Craigs Birthday Night: It was my friend Craigs birthday, so we went for drinks to celebrate. It was so much fun while I was there, but sadly, I was feeling slightly poorly, so I had to leave pretty early.

Watching:

The O.C: Yes, this is the first time I'm watching The O.C, so I'm pretty late to the party. I'm up to the start of season 4 (which is a bit like WTF so far). I like the series, but I don't love it, I'm definitely enjoying it enough that I've completely binged the first three seasons, but I feel it had the potential to be better, however, this opinion is based on going into the series with such high expectations.

Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life: On the second time watching A Year in the Life, I'm still unsure how I feel about it. There are parts of it I found disappointing and parts I found brilliant.

Listening:

- Gilmore Guys (I'm finally coming to end of it now)
- CTRL ALT Delete with Sara Tasker
- The Sunday Salon with Charly Cox

Reading:

Books:
Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan. It's taking me a while to read this, because (unpopular opinion) so far I don't love it.

Articles/Newsletters:
Conversation on Love, Natasha Lunn Interviews Ariel Levy
Lucy Sheridan's Newsletter on Comparison
Dolly Alderton Pens A Love Letter to Cigarettes as She Gives Up Smoking
I Found Out The Guy I Was Dating Did It for a Dare

Blogs:
Fashion and Frappes: How Can I Be A Fashion Blogger Without Fast Fashion
Overdosed on Caffeine: Dear Men, I'm Not Interest in Your Penis
The Anna Edit: Red Lips
Wish Wish Wish: Marriage Three Years On
Hello October: A Fresh Start
Hello October: Love or Loneliness


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