When I was younger, I didn't really understand the term feminist. It has been portrayed to me as Women, who didn't shave their armpits, shouting loudly, about pretty much nothing. Thankfully, I am a lot more educated now. But isn't everyone to an extent? I'd like to think so. With Topshop and H&M selling tee with the word Feminist written across the front - being a feminist is pretty much a fashion statement.

Something which has baffled me is the negativity this has received. I've read articles which claim everyone's a feminist, and we wear the t-shirts to look cool. But isn't the ultimate goal for everyone to be a feminist. It's that what we're aiming for? To have people proudly show off their feminism? Objectify normal is still something we see normalised in day to day life - clearly everyone isn't a feminist, so we need to shout a little louder, so what is wearing a statement tee is a way we choose to do so.

Women deserve the same rights as men. I should not be afraid to lose my friends on a night out in case someone takes advantage of a 'girl who had too much to drink', and I am just as capable of doing a job as a man is. And on that note, there should not be shame around men who show their emotions. Men and woman should be treated as equal.

So my point - who gives a fuck if it's a fashion trend, isn't that what we're hoping for? We want everyone to hear about feminism, to do be educated. It's good to see so many people show they're proud to be feminist, even if it's through wearing a £20 Topshop tee or an international woman day hashtag on an Instagram, but let's make sure we continue to talk about it beyond a day when we see it follow through our social media accounts, and continue to support girls, and boys and women and men in whatever way we know.

As a fashion trend, I hope it does not go out of style.

Firstly, Happy Easter - I hope you all have a day full of chocolate and loved ones planned - and if you don't celebrate it, Happy Sunday - you also deserve a day of chocolate and loved ones.

Secondly. a sorry - I have hit publish on a blog post for a while, I'm not really sure what's happening, I've just been unorganised and busy. I feel as though I've been working on a lot of posts, but none have got to the publish stage - I didn't even manage to get a Sunday reading post out last week - however, I was in Cornwall doing something exciting, which you will hear all about in tomorrow's post (that's right it's scheduled and everything.)



What have I been up to?
Well, one of my closest friends Jaynie turned 25 at the start of the month, so we went for a meal to celebrate (I know, a lot more chilled and less alcohol-induced than her previous birthdays), it was lovely.

As I have already touched on - I went to Cornwall for the weekend - visited my friend Stacie from Uni, it was so so great to see her, I hadn't seen her in the year so we were in need of a massive catch up, and I got to do some crocheting with New Day Knitwear, and meet some lovely bloggers (all about that tomorrow).

I went for Indian food with my friends Hj and Bry - the food was great, and the chat was also great. I also went to Turtle Bay with Matt, again great food, great chats.

and I passed my theory test! Yay, I was a little late learning to drive starting at 25, but it's better late than never. It was my first time taking my theory, I passed which I'm super pleased with! I didn't find it too challenging, but I used the app to revise pretty much most days for a couple if week -  I wouldn't have stood a chance of passing if I hadn't done that.

and of course, I've been working and job searching.


My Blog
I've been quiet on a blog, I think partly because I told myself I'd step back from having a blog schedule, which sort of gave me nothing to aim for. So I'm putting a blog schedule back into place - with the only difference being that, if I'm not 100% happy with a post, I won't post it. I'm aiming to publish posts Monday's, Tuesday's, and Thursday's at 6.30pm, and of course a Sunday reading, at some point, each Sunday. However, I may be skipping days every now and then, as if I'm not completely happy with something, I'm not going to post for the sake of putting content out there. Quality is going to come before quantity, but I'm aiming for both (gotta reach high and all that!).

My Youtube Chanel
I am starting a new series on my Youtube Channel, all of which I'll explain in Wednesday's video. I am a little nervous about it, as it's based around quite a personal topic and I don't want people to get the wrong impression. Having said that, it feels very much like the right thing to do, and there will a video in the series I'm hoping once a month.


Reading - Blogs
In The Frow's How to Overcome Work Tiredness - I definitely don't have as busy of a work-life as Victoria does - but I do like to prioritise my time, and make the most of the day, if I'm not at work to get blog things done, and this was full of great tips.


Watching: Netflix
I recently finished 13 Reasons Why, and have not been able to stop thinking about it. I read the book a few years back (review here), and it had the same effect. I loved the series - I thought it was very well done, and really made some strong points. It makes you think, and if you haven't watched it, you should.

Watching: Youtube
Lily Pebbles Honest Q&A because it's so refreshing to see a Q&A where the questions are beyond what's your favourite lipstick (as much as we all like to hear that, it's I love when things get a little deeper), also Lily's Spring Wardrobe and Haul Video - it was great to see her give credit to those who have inspired her and here the way she been incorporating colour into her wardrobe (I know I mention Lily every week, but I love her channel, she videos are always amazing quality and love how honest and genuine she is).


Listening: Podcasts
The Banging Book Club on A Quiet Kind of Thunder - I really enjoyed this episode, in general, I found Lucy, Hannah and Leena definitely all made me laugh out loud a few times whilst listening(hello, concerned stares on the bus).

Crash on my Couch 1 - I thought the first episode from Will and Arden Podcast was great, and I'm excited to see what else is to come. I love the way they split it into sections, it just made it a little different from any of podcast I've previously listened to. I also like that Will and Arden are a couple because I find it fascinating seeing how couples interact with each other (is that weird? I feel like I've just admitted something weird)


I have rambled on far too long (I missed last weeks, so what did you expect), I'll let you return to your families and chocolate now.

I hope you're all having a great easter!
Love, C. x

It's been a while since I wrote one of these very wordy, brutally honest, emotion heavy blog posts - well hold on to your hats, because I'm pretty sure I've stored up enough feelings to write a post longer than every Harry Potter book combined.

I guess, I've felt so snowed under, it's felt impossible to dig myself out, and I've been holding all my emotions in, because I'm not particularly vocal about these things - yes, I can write (it usually comes out in the form of sleepy crap poetry on my iPhone notes, and if that doesn't cut it, I end up here) or if I want to tell somebody, in particular, I will text my emotions out, however getting words explaining what's going on in my 'oh so complicated'  head to leave my mouth, isn't really a strong point of mine. Verbal communication, in general, I'm pretty crap at, ask me to talk in front of more than 4 people, I'm likely to feel faint, and I struggle to pronounce the world bowl (and anything that rhymes with it). I'm a crap talker. In turn, I'm a pretty adequate typer - and I may explode if I don't express some of the million thought swirling around in my head.

It's taken me longer than it should have to admit this, but I'm sad.  I wouldn't say I just feel sad. I feel completely consumed by sadness. It started as a general feeling, but now I feel utterly drowned in that emotion.

To put it bluntly, we all like to stew in our own sadness in a twisted way, don't we? I mean, we love to feel sorry for ourselves, and everyone plays the victim once in a while. As soon as I released this emotion a weight would be lifted - maybe I didn't want that, at least not yet, so I let that slight feeling of sadness take over entirely.

Besides a few sad tweets (the voices in my head argued whether people would care if they read them, - One of the voices said "for christ sake, Chloe don't be pathetic and attention-seeking and cheer up", well the other chipped in "why shouldn't I tweet that I feel sad, I feel sad I should tweet about it, you shouldn't be ashamed about the state of your mental health", and "it's just not really necessary to tweet about is it?" - you get it, right? I didn't know whether I was coming or going, and not only when it came to my twitter account).

Anyway, today was clearly my emotional breaking point - and funnily enough, I feel less broken for it. I found myself sobbing into my mum's shoulder, about my complete loss of what to do, and how to combat how I'm feeling. There is something so pathetically liberating about crying to your Mummy as an adult. You feel a million times better once you've done it, but it takes a lot of feelings to get there (shout out to mum for dealing with my tears).

There is this guilt which comes with sadness, which ironically makes you feel sadder - which is maybe why it took me so long to talk about it.

I think I'm depressed.
I'm not sure. But I'm mainly sad, and I can't seem to pull myself out of this whirlwind of sadness. My sadness feels heavier than I've had a bad day so I'm a little blue. It's a deep grey which feels like it will continue to taint each day for the rest of my life. Logically, I know feelings are temporary, but it doesn't feel that way. My feelings are arguing with logic, which just causes more stress.

I've not been diagnosed, mainly because I'm too stubborn to go to the doctors, which I know is all kinds of wrong. I will, if it continues, at some point. But it's another pressure that comes with that appointment. What if I'm wasting the doctors time and I've just been a little hormonal, and what if I am really depressed? The reality, either way, sucks.

I know it's circumstantial. It's all stemmed from being stuck in a rut with my career (well, not having one), and feeling lonely (and then feeling pathetic that I'm feeling lonely,  and yes, I'm literally cringing as I type this). My life feels as though it's just paused in the crap place, where I never experienced success, and I'm beginning to get the dreaded "what is wrong with me" feeling. I hate comparison but it's human nature, and when you realise how often you're ghosted by friends, and that I haven't been kissed in, uh far longer than I'd to admit. Over a year I believe. Yup. My career is not where I expected it to be, heck,  I'm 25, live with my mum and can't drive, and have very few (but all very lovely )mates - and the cherry on the cake - nobody fancies me (like that matters! But it clearly does because it's adding to sadness). That's all pretty small problems, but they're all leaving me questioning what is wrong with me. And we all know low self-esteem does nothing for our mental health. And the most frustrating part is, I really don't dislike myself at all. I know it's getting a tad confusing now, but let me explain, I think I am talented and hard-working, and I should have a great career because I will put my all into it, I also think I'm a good friend, I'm far from perfect, but I like to think I make an effort with my friends, and I'm a good listener.  I am caring and love my friends a lot - also I'm a great catch, I mean I'm really not funny, but I'm alright and there are things people should like about me - but nobody else can see my value. It's as though I'm screaming at people why can't you see me for who I am, and they're not listening, and now I've got a sore throat from all the screaming.


My life is not what I expected. When it comes to bigger life-altering events, I seem to have no issue dealing with them. I cope pretty well when things are serious. But, at the moment, well they're not really. I just feel a bit shit because I want a better job and to feel validated. I don't deal so well with these problems - I think because of the things could be so much worse guilt. But either way, I'm sad - so does it matter is it's based on trauma or a temper tantrum? Because I still feel what I'm feeling.


Now I've been stewing in the sadness for a while, the question is, what am I going to do? I can't stay in this place much longer because to put it far more bluntly than anyone really wants to hear, I don't know how much more time I'll allow myself to live in this place - so one way or another I've got to move out of it. Ignoring the darkest option out there - the only way is up.

Now, I understand depression is far more than a rut which you are stuck in. However, I have also noted that my feelings are circumstantial. So I've got to change my circumstances.

So, I'm going to work change things, to remind myself this is temporary, and of course, I'll keep you updated on the state of my mental health, which might at least stop it spiralling all over again.

A few weeks ago I saw Liv Purvis post a tweet about The Bloggers Market, I thought "that looks cool, I'd love to go to that.. oh it's in London, such a shame it's not in Bristol"... and then I realised that I am more than capable of getting to and from London, and I have a Uni friend in London... Bristol is really not that far, so why would I not go? So I booked a Megabus (gotta save the pennies) there and a train back (thought I'd treat myself to a train on the way home, considering getting there came to a total of £8).

My friend Jess was able to come along too - it gave us the perfect excuse for a much-needed catch-up and also meant I didn't have to go alone. Win-win.

I had a great day. Sadly, that did result in not taking as many photos as I would have liked (who else forgets about their camera when they're having too much fun?). We looked around all of the cute clothes (I only ended up getting a jacket -  Jess and Ellie were a bit luckier with the shopping than me), we ate sweets, and we did a bullet journaling workshop with Ohh Deer.

It was lovely to see how normal and lovely all of the big bloggers are. Zoe and Liv both complimented my T-Shirt (thank you ASOS) and I felt very cool. I also got a selfie with Liv... I, of course temporarily forgot how my phone works... because we all know my blog is pretty much a What Olivia Did fan account, and Liv had to remind me how to put it onto Selfie mode (I tried to press the timer...smooth).

The Girls (Liv, Zoe, Carrie, Lucy, Kristabel and Kim) all did such a wonderful job organising the day - there were so many amazing quality pieces there, they set up space to Instagram heaven and everyone was so friendly and happy to be there, and of course, I got to see my friend Jess (and meet Ellie) which was lovely. A fab day all round.

Happy Sunday, I hope you've all had a fabulous week!


I'm feeling pretty chipper as this week comes to a close.  Yesterday I popped to London to go to The Bloggers Market which was lovely, such great use of a Saturday (full post coming soon).
Besides that, this week has been full of work and blog prep for lots of upcoming posts.

No so much gushing in this week's Sunday post (apart from I met Liv Purvis yesterday and she is so lovely, so there's a little gush).

Blog and Youtube

I've been a little quiet on the blog, mainly as I've been working, job searching, busy and a little headache-y too. However I've drafted out what feels like a million blog posts for the next few weeks - so hopefully my blog will be getting a little busier again.
I do have a new video on my Youtube channel - it's A Week in Make-Up which I experimented with stop motion - I'm really happy how it turned out so please check it out!

Reading

Void Filler - Meditation by Charly Cox (quite possibly one of the best things I've ever read)
The Gentlewoman Magazine - I'm still at the flick through the stage, but I am completely in love this magazine - is so beautiful and full of really fab stuff. When I've had a proper read I'm sure I'll be back with the articles I most loved.
Sunday Times Style Pink is Back in Fashion - but this time for boys as well as girls - I'm really into the pink is actually an androgynous colour thing. We all know I love pink, and men in pink too.

Watching

Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life - I think I preferred the series the second time around. Here are some thoughts I had: I loved loved loved The Life and Death Brigade sequence, but also felt gutted about how unrealistic it was, and what was with the hats? It looked cool but wasn't very 2016. I wish there was more of Dean, Jess, and Christoper. Logan's and Deans character developed really well, Jess' not so much - I was just hoping for a little more from him. I loved the Kirk had a Samsung (I think it was a Samsung), rather than and iPhone like every other character (it's the little things, eh) and of course what was the point Star Hallow musical plaything which went on far too long?! But all round they did a good job - I'm really hoping they bring out a new series soon.

Zoella's Birthday Vlog: because Zoe and her friends know how to do birthdays.
Liv Purvis' inside the wardrobe of Charly Cox: I love Charly's style, watching this video made me realise that I don't have to take back everything other people don't like (which is a lot of what I buy), and of course, there were genuine excitement squeals when Charly said she's writing a book.

Listening

Dear Sugar, Haunted by Ghosting: Ghosting is something I've been thinking about a lot recently (as I'm noticing how often it happens) so I found the episode really interesting. I'm not going to ramble on about it too long, as there may or may not be a full post coming on Ghosting coming soon.



Hope you've all had a fab week!
Chloe x