Recently, I've been a little quiet in the blog world - why?

I didn't post for a while, I was ~busy~ and then somewhere along the lines, I found myself questioning, who the hell I am.

I felt like I lost myself a bit, I felt obliged to write about lipsticks, but also CBA to write about lipsticks, because that doesn't give me the same relief typing out something far too personal about my non-existent love life, that I'll probably never have the balls to publish and if I do I'll both hope that the boy never reads it, and pray he does, all at the same time. I guess sometimes lipstick feels more important than others. My world doesn't always revolve around lipstick. Sometimes I want to lose reality in focus on material things. Sometimes I couldn't care less about material things and be the more raw version of myself. I couldn't figure out which version of myself felt 'right' to write about - what part of myself did I want to share with the internet?

It became easier to post nothing, because what I felt like writing about I might regreting giving a home on the internet, and beauty simply wasn't quite floating my boat all of the time.

So my space stayed quiet while I considered who I am, who I want to be, and who I admire.

I always wanted to continue blogging, I just wanted to grow with it, and create content which sat right with me. I guess the only way to figure out how to grow was to hit the pause button for a while and reflect.

I've changed and evolved so much over the years I've had my little blog, and I think it's time this acknowledged in my content.  I am also a different person day to day, and that is something I think needs to reflect in writing, and my posts. I am not going to write something which yet right yesterday if it doesn't today.

I also felt lost beyond this. Style-wise, I realised not so sure of myself anymore, and I feel a new haircut coming on, and a couple of expensive shopping trips - maybe it's time I finally get the capsule wardrobe I've been lusting after.

I feel the need for a rebrand, both personally and online here, I'm going to be trying out different things, and looking for a fit. I'm not going to changing up layout or anything, but I am going to take some time to rediscover myself, I may even go wild, and change up my Instagram a little (crazy, I know).

Am I who I want to be? and how do I become that person?

These questions keep swirling around in my head, and they're making me want to push myself more creativity. Step outside some comfort zones.

The spaces we create on the internet, are a little odd. They are a hyperreality, they tell stories, as we want, and we can manipulate them, to reflect us in any light we choose. Of course more than likely, we want to reflect, a true yet polished version of ourselves. But when you're questioning who you are, and the purpose of your creations, it hard to make it any substantial. I feel both very aware and unaware of who I am, I'm unsure how to reflect the version of myself I want to show because she is trapped in my own head and in the admiration of others. We are surrounded by images and they imprint on our thought on ourselves. I feel more comfortable with myself than ever, but how do I show that version of myself. I feel myself on the outside, on the inside and on the internet are all different people.

This post probably didn't make all that much sense, as it is a rambling stream of consciousness.  Yet for the sake of taking time to discover what I want to post,  I'll hold my breath and hit the publish button.

A few days have passed since I furiously sat at my desk and typed out this somewhat vague, confusing stream of consciousness, and with a bit of planning and blog schedule back in place, I am beginning to feel like myself again, I think there may be a bit of trial and error as I figure where I fit in the blogging world, but that's okay.

Dress: H&M (similar linked)
Jacket: Whistles (similar linked)
Shoes: Office (similar linked)
Photography: Madeliine Grace Blogs