You know when you're so completely consumed by something you are watching or reading that you can’t bear to look away from it, you find yourself unintentionally awake through the night because you’re not ready to put the story down, and the moment you finish it, you need to tell everyone you know about it? That exactly how I felt about Five Feet Apart - both the book by Rachael Lippincott, and the Netflix film.

During this lockdown, my boyfriend and I have been having weekly Netflix parties so feel like we get a date night in whilst being apart. One of our most recent watches was Five Feet Apart and it was a favourite for both of us.

Whilst watching, I remembered I’d been recommended the book on Goodreads earlier that day, so ordered it immediately, and then excitedly kept an eye on the post until it arrived.

Both the book and film did not disappoint. Every part of the characters and their story felt so real in both instances.

The Narrative:

Five Feet Apart is the story revolving around two teens with Cystic Fibrosis. Despite being vastly different, the main character Stella and Will, seem to be magnetically drawn together - only due to their illness, there are not able to get within 6 feet of each, as due to cross-contamination of the illness can be lethal - especially as Will also have a bacterial infection in his lung, B. Cepacia, which he is undergoing drug trial for. So whilst Stella in on the waiting list for new lungs, being in close company with Will could also take her off the list, and potentially be life-threatening.

Yet still, they fall completely in love, learning from one another - Will to take his medicine regime more seriously, and Stella to take life less seriously.

After everything the disease has taken from them - from the ease of breathing to trips away, they decide to take one thing back. They take back one foot. Six feet apart becomes five, and that the distance that stays between them.

There is far more to the story, twists, turns and unexpected events, but I won't give too much away.

The Characters:

It really surprised me how much depth there was to most of the character, given the book is only 276 pages. The majority of the characters seem to have light and shade to them, good qualities and bad. They feel like real people, struggling to deal with very real problems. Of course, Will and Stella aren't the only characters, their families, friends, doctors and nurses all play a part in their story, and have their own struggles going on. Their over-protective but loveable nurse Barb was a favourite of mine.

Book V Film:

The book and film we're extremely similar, I've never known a film follow the book narrative so closely before. A lot of the dialogue was the same, and there was hardly any difference in the story. Still, however, I'd recommend both as they were both so well done.

I found the book a lot clearer when it came to explaining each characters illness and why the six feet apart was required. The few bits which weren't completely clear to me in the film we're explained within the first few pages of the book. The book I found was great at getting a lot of information across, tell the story and emoting feelings in very few pages.

The film, however, includes some incredible acting. Cole Sprouse plays Will and Hayley Lu Richardson plays Stella, and both play their part so incredibly well, I never for a second doubt their characters.

Both the book and film bought me to tears, which for me is unusual (I don't think I've cried in a book since the first time I read Dumbledores death).

It's a very fast-paced story, which I liked, but my one complaint would be that I wanted to see more of them falling in love - it seemed to happen so quickly. However, I think that was kind of the point, they don't have the choice to take things slow with a shortened life span, to quote Stella "It's just life, Will. It will be over before we know it".

The book ended up with a six months later extract, which I didn't think was necessary, I preferred the somewhat uncertain ending of the book.

Themes:

This story covers so many important themes including illness, health, grief, romance, family dynamics, friendships.

In case I have made it clear yet, this story really touched me. I would really recommend both the book and the film!
What have you been watching and reading lately? I'd love some recommendations!

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Something I've been thinking about a lot is Youtube. I stopped making videos, it was time-consuming and it was another platform I felt invisible on, and I got sick of feeling invisible. It's easier to not exist somewhere, that to exist there unseen.  The thing with subscriber counts is that everyone starts somewhere, but with so many 'big' account, you can feel ridiculous promoting something before it has the following, which leads create content for an account that's unseen and the longer you create content for a small account, the smaller that account seems, and the more you feel stupid promoting it. You have to be brave to put on there that you believe in something when the numbers are telling you, that you're almost completely alone in that. I also fell out of love with watching Youtube.

The issue is when you put so much love into something, and nobody seemed to see it, no matter how therapeutic you find the lengthy process of editing videos, it's disheartening.

But recently, I've found myself intrigued by it again, wanting to document my life. It feels like there a new wave of content Youtube, which is more grown-up, and I want to find my place there.

It's not that I want to be a typical Youtuber, because that's a pipedream, and there are so many other things I want to do. It definitely takes much more work than is acknowledged, but I want to use my creativity on the platform to experiment and create.

I've found myself thinking about the filmmaking industry lately, how it intrigues me, and the closest way I can think to get to that, with where I am at, it practising filming and editing video and sharing where I can, which is on Youtube.

I feel as though I've gone in a full circle with it. At the start of the year, I claimed I wanted to take youtube more seriously, and yet the numbers seemed to disagree with me. I was putting in a lot of work, with a very little payoff, I decided I'd be better spending my time elsewhere.

Now, a few months later, I've lost a small handful, of my already small handful of subscribers, but I'm ready to enter that world again, maybe this time do more than peak around the corner.

At the start of the year, I promised I'd Vlogmas time year, and as you read this, we're a few days into it. It going to mean working hard, completely unsure whether anyone will watch the videos, but I want to do it for me, to know that I can because I made a promise to myself.

I have a good feeling about this. It feels like it's for the right reasons this time.

If you want to make this journey a little less lonely for me, you can always subscribe to my channel and check out my videos!



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As always, I found myself jumping on the bandwagon with a new hype. After reading tweet after tweet about To All the Boys I Loved Before, so I spend my Sunday afternoon, thankful for Netflix, engrossed in the world of Lara Jean and her letters. Since I have watched it once more, and just the book in just three days.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't think it's the perfect YA rom-com storyline. The first time I watched it, I found myself a little underwhelmed. I'd heard so many good things about it, so it was unlikely it was going to live up to expectations. My unpopular opinion being, The Kissing Booth is actually better. Still, I liked it enough to watch it again. I preferred it the second time around and then I bought the book.

General Thoughts:

On beginning the book I found myself somewhat disappointed. I didn't love the style of language, it just felt too simple, and there really seemed to be no different from the film adaption. Having said that, spending an evening babysitting, meant I have time to kill. I got hooked on the book and ended up reading all 421 pages in just three days.  To begin with, something felt immature about Lara Jean's voice, however, as the story went on she grew on me and seemed to grow up.

As I've mentioned the language used through is pretty simple, which at first bothered me because I felt it all could have been made 'prettier', however on reading it I realise the simple language made the story more digestible, and cuts on the crap. I had a very clear picture in my head of what was happening, there was no need for fancy adjectives, however, the story being so clear in my imagination probably had a little something to do with having already seen it on screen. Yet having said that, despite the lack of flowery language the book is very detailed. I think it was a lot longer than I needed to be, it could have done with a healthy edit. We don't need to know that the characters are eating cereal.

Plot:

The narrative doesn't vary much from the Netflix film, if you haven't seen it, here's the most none spoiler (ish) breakdown I can give it: Lara Jean, is a half Asian girl with two sisters she's close to, an older sister Margot, and Younger sister Kitty. It's just them and their dad. Lara Jean writes letters to all the boys she's ever loved, with no intention of sending them, rather her way of moving on. Her letter gets sent to all of the boys. One of those boys is Josh, their neighbour, sisters ex-boyfriends and Lara Jean's close friend. A letter also gets send to Peter, Lara Jean's first kiss, and her ex-friends, recent ex-boyfriend. Lara Jean and Peter end up in a fake relationship, a way to make Gen (Peters Ex) jealous, and convince Josh, Lara Jean's feelings for him are a thing of the past.

Although there are many layers to the story, it's written in a way which is easy to follow.
Personally, I prefer the book ending, to me it felt right and bought things in quite a satisfying circle.

The plot works for the Young Adult genres,  but could never to adapted to be something more adult. It feels very young.

The Characters:

The characters have good chemistry, as Lara Jean and Peter were friends when they were younger, it feels natural that their relationship doesn't feel awkward, it's also interesting to see how their relationship develop throughout. Despite the fact Margot's character isn't actually present in the book much, she has a lot of impacts. She's also one of the only characters I really found myself disliking. Lara Jean's and Josh's relationship is confusing and sometimes unrealistic, is your sister's boyfriend really someone you're likely to crush on? Something about that feels a little icky to me, but it also a key aspect of the story. Each character feels very real and unique, we learn a lot about the characters personal/family lives, which I think gives them an extra dimension.

Themes:

The story explores themes including, love v crush, family dynamic, high school drama, popularity, death, race, sisterhood, friendship and more.

Book v Film:

The main difference between the book and film is that the film has a much more modern social media twist. Instagram is not discussed through the book and doesn't need to be.
The ending varies slightly between the two, however, there are more books in the series, therefore the end is left more open in the book. I personally really enjoyed the book ending, it felt as though things came in a satisfying loop.

The character, as ever have a slightly different feel in the book. I really dislike Margot character in the book, I think she comes across much immature and uptight.
It seems we learn more about Josh's character in the book and his relationship with Lara Jean and his family.
Peter's character is not so likeable throughout a lot of the book (or maybe seeing how beautiful Noah Centineo is, makes Peter more likeable in the film). It took a lot longer for me to come around to him, but there is a certain charm about him nonetheless.
Kitty's character is brilliant in both.
In the book, you learn a lot more about Lara Jeans past, and her Mom, and their Asian culture.
The acting and casting of the film were incredible, each actor reflecting their character pretty true to how they're written in the book.
I loved the book the more I read it. I could not put it down. I wish, I read it before I watched it, but either way, I stayed up until 2am reading to finished it. Any book worth sacrificing sleep for is worth reading. I'm excited to get the next in the series now! Everything about this book is cliché, and typical of a Young Adult romance, but that's kind of what I love about it.



Have you read or watched To All the Boys I Loved Before? What do you think, is it worth the hype?
I'd love if you could comment with any book recommendations you have, I'm always looking for something new to read!

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I recently wrote this post, very reluctantly published it - I almost deleted all, but I held my breath published it, and then closed the tab pretending I never did. I can't quite put my finger on why I felt so on edge about hitting that publish button. It was personal, yes, but for somebody who carelessly published a post simply titled 'Sex' a few months back, that clearly is not an issue for me. It was about one specific person, yes, but it wouldn't hurt him, nor would he read it. I didn't want to publish it, because although I was having a bit of an "I need to be treated better by the guys I like" "I deserve all the effort" moment, both of which are true, I was also being, a bit of an asshole.


You can go ahead and read this post, or if it's a little long - I'll summarise, the post was a guy I liked, who was very on and off with me, the post was about how I deserve better, which of course, is true, I deserve the very best - nonetheless, I think there was something quite selfish in my thought process.


I was watching (500) Days of Summer when I had a bit of an epiphany. If you haven't watched that film you need to. To give you an insight into the movie - this is how the narrator opens:


Tom falls for Summer before he even really gets to know her, she tells him from the start she doesn't believe in love and wants casual. He then tries his hardest to get her back when he loses her. Although, technically he never had her. Yes, they dated, yes they had sex, but she was never his girlfriend.

I watched this film and felt like I could really relate to Tom Hansen. I am Tom Hansen. I believe in love, I believe in fate and I thought I'd found it. The other person just didn't agree with me - like Tom and Summer, and then, like a tonne of bricks, it hit me.

Tom Hansen is a dick.

He's selfish. Summer never wanted him. I mean casually yes, but for nothing more, and she did nothing to lead him to believe otherwise. Tom confronts her about the situation, he tells her:

"This is not how you treat your friend! Kissing in the copy room? Holding hands in IKEA? Shower sex? Come on! Friends my balls!"

Previously I would have applauded Tom for this (I reblogged it so many times back in my Tumblr days), however, relationships are not black and white. They should be, but there's not. Especially as a young adult, lines are slightly more blurred. I do believe if someone wants to be with you nothing will stop them. But there are those in-between relationships, where there's no future, but you can't be friends, you're more than that because you're attracted to each other in a romantic/sexual sense. And sometimes, you're not quite ready to cut them out of your life. Casual relationship are pretty common, a lot of people have friends with benefits, or have friends that are slightly more, or that person that with added vodka, you call, and kiss, and decide you'll be together forever and ignore the next morning. It's not as simple as you are single, or you are not.

So Tom is right that is not how you treat your friends, but just because you're not friends, but it does also not mean you're in a relationship when you're the only person who wants that. Sometimes it's difficult to find a label, and I think the main reason a lot of people want the label, is through insecurity of not knowing where they stand, but that being said, if you are with the person who wants to be in a relationship you will very much from the start, know where you stand, there will be no questioning whether or not you are or will ever be together, because you're in a full on relationship.

It sucks to not have the security, but Tom knew the deal from the start. Summer told Tom she wanted casual - he wanted more, and that is not her fault. He's selfish, he thought of what he wanted throughout, never what she wanted. He's kept trying to win her over, which could be romanticised, but at the end of the day, people aren't prizes. You don't get one at the fair when you manage a decent throw.

The more I realised how much I disliked Tom character, the more I couldn't help but compare him to me, my situation. I have always known where I stand with this guy, I simply read into things how I wanted to. He's told me several times he never anything serious. Soberly, he never pretended to like me more than he did, and we all know drunk minds sure as hell do not speak drunk minds (seriously, the person who came up with that saying has issues). He's simply kissed me because we've never been just friends. But we've also never been anything more - so like Tom Hansen, I'd try to get him back, although never had him. He has never belonged to me. It doesn't matter how blue his eyes are, or that my heart melts a little when he  plays guitar, that sigh of relief I feel after seeing him for the first time in a while, or how wonderful his kisses are. All of these things, mean nothing as he doesn't want to be with me. He is not my property because I fancy him.

I think in wanting, I convinced myself to read into things how I wanted, which was wrongly. I  convinced myself he leads me on. He never pretended he wanted me. I just wanted him to.

It's time to stop being Tom Hansen, the world is full of enough selfish people already.