Something I've been thinking about a lot is Youtube. I stopped making videos, it was time-consuming and it was another platform I felt invisible on, and I got sick of feeling invisible. It's easier to not exist somewhere, that to exist there unseen.  The thing with subscriber counts is that everyone starts somewhere, but with so many 'big' account, you can feel ridiculous promoting something before it has the following, which leads create content for an account that's unseen and the longer you create content for a small account, the smaller that account seems, and the more you feel stupid promoting it. You have to be brave to put on there that you believe in something when the numbers are telling you, that you're almost completely alone in that. I also fell out of love with watching Youtube.

The issue is when you put so much love into something, and nobody seemed to see it, no matter how therapeutic you find the lengthy process of editing videos, it's disheartening.

But recently, I've found myself intrigued by it again, wanting to document my life. It feels like there a new wave of content Youtube, which is more grown-up, and I want to find my place there.

It's not that I want to be a typical Youtuber, because that's a pipedream, and there are so many other things I want to do. It definitely takes much more work than is acknowledged, but I want to use my creativity on the platform to experiment and create.

I've found myself thinking about the filmmaking industry lately, how it intrigues me, and the closest way I can think to get to that, with where I am at, it practising filming and editing video and sharing where I can, which is on Youtube.

I feel as though I've gone in a full circle with it. At the start of the year, I claimed I wanted to take youtube more seriously, and yet the numbers seemed to disagree with me. I was putting in a lot of work, with a very little payoff, I decided I'd be better spending my time elsewhere.

Now, a few months later, I've lost a small handful, of my already small handful of subscribers, but I'm ready to enter that world again, maybe this time do more than peak around the corner.

At the start of the year, I promised I'd Vlogmas time year, and as you read this, we're a few days into it. It going to mean working hard, completely unsure whether anyone will watch the videos, but I want to do it for me, to know that I can because I made a promise to myself.

I have a good feeling about this. It feels like it's for the right reasons this time.

If you want to make this journey a little less lonely for me, you can always subscribe to my channel and check out my videos!