Monday, 28 January 2019

How I'm Bullet Journalling This Year.

As we're a month into 2019, I thought I'd share a little update on my bullet journal, and how I intend to use my bullet journal throughout this year. 

I began bullet journalling in 2017, and fell in love with it because it's so flexible. It allows me to organise all different aspects of my life, in whichever way suits me at the time, and I can change my process, or to add in different pages as and when I fancy. 
I feel like bullet journals tend to fall into two categories. There as the super creative bullet journals, with close to perfect doodles, calligraphy, and the neatest handwriting weaved between incredible artwork.
Or there are the more casual bullet journals, which simply fill their purpose to organise. With the simplicity of black pens and straight lines. 
My first year of bullet journaling, I used colourful pens and attempted to make it pretty while still functioning. Last year I toned it down, trying to keep things simple. For this year, I've decided to be slightly more creative again. 
I've realised, I find something calming in doodling. It's a relaxing way to spend my evenings when I've got nothing else to do. Drawing, or concentrating on fonts and planning, know it's something I'm doing for myself and nobody else is something which soothes me.

I'm not particularly fussy with it, I don't care if some pages aren't pretty and fulfil their simply function, and I don't mind if some pages have no purpose, other than that I felt like spending some time doodling. I'm letting it be what I want it to be in that moment the pen meets the dotted paper, and there's something so freeing in that.  
I filmed a little talk through, sharing where I'm up to on my bullet journal, so far this year, so you can head over to my Youtube channel, or watch it below.



and in case you're keen for bullet journaling, I got into more detail of how I have previously used my bullet journal, you can visit this blogpost, this blogpost, or this youtube video and this youtube video


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Friday, 25 January 2019

You Don't Have to Live in that House of Sadness You Built.



I'm feeling a little silly. Silly because I made this video, where I was banging on about how I was going use the law of attraction to change my life, and how I was going to think nothing but positive thoughts. For a few weeks I was more chipper than ever, and then I fell back into old patterns of negative thinking, of feeling defeated when I couldn't immediately see my life transformed, when the bigs things remained as they were weeks before. I'm only human, so it's no surprise I can't keep up high energy and happiness all the time. Moods are supposed to be changing. One of the precious things about emotions is that they don't live in a constant state, feelings are fluid, with all emotion, there's always the option to tell yourself 'this too shall pass' and to know it to be true.

One thing I'm learning in my law of attraction journey is to take back the power, to observe how I feel and move on from it. Not to dwell. Although I built a house of sadness, I don't need to live in it.

When you feel you have little purpose, it's easy to eat up that sadness, to consume it, and live within it. Especially that lack of direction is enhanced by constant rejection, little money, loneliness and a wash of the guilt of feeling too much.

It's easy to abandon to do lists when you feeling no one in the world would notice, you can find yourself not caring if you don't make it out of bed in the morning, and basic self-respect tends to go out of the window when you visit that house of sadness.

I'm not really sure why I wrote this post, what I was hoping to come from it. I wanted to get it off my chest, I wanted to let you know that, you will eventually knock down that house, even if when you visit the walls seem sturdier than ever.

I'm writing this as a reminder to myself. That little things count too, and as Dumbledore once said: “Happiness can be found in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light.”


Happiness doesn't always have to be grand, sometimes if you search really hard, you'll spot a glimmer through the window of your house of sadness, and that glimmer is enough.

You need darkness to appreciate the light. Let not being where you want to, motivate you to move, there's no freeze and assume this is where you belong which is something I found myself doing. And if you do freeze, overcome by sadness, remember it's never too late to begin to move again.




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Monday, 21 January 2019

When Your Forever Friendship Don't Last.



Some things it seems are written in the stars. Luke and Lorelai, that J.K Rowling had a dream which led her to write Harry Potter, the perfect job you accidentally stumbled across, going for coffee which turns into falling in love with the barista and facing the world with your best friend by your side.

There are those friendships which you never question. When you meet someone, and you know they are going to impact your life. There is no doubt in the back of your mind that you'll be a bridesmaid at her wedding, and the whacky 'auntie' to her children. You don't doubt that you'll still be laughing together as you grow old. You feel more complete when you hang out, no secrets are off limits and the totally platonic relationship becomes the total centre of your universe.

What happens when these forever friendships, really aren't that? Although it seemed untouchable, it shattered. It makes no difference, how well you got along with her mum or how at home you felt in her house when you are no longer invited.

There is no guarantee friendships are forever. Sometimes we outgrow friends, they outgrow us and we don't realise we've grown apart until it's too late. And sometimes reality, hurt and miscommunications can bring that friendship to a crashing, unrepairable halt. With that. the one aspect of your future you thought could rely on, is no longer there.

Friendships end for different reasons. I've spent my nights awake trying to dish out the blame. I have lost some friends through faults of my own, and some I've passed the blame onto others. Reading Dolly Alderton's Memoir, Everything I Know About Love, I found myself underlining the words her therapist told her "'Unless someone dies,' she told me one Friday, 'if something bad happens in a relationship, you have played a part in it.'" That has become something which I've thought about again and again in relation to my two forever friendship which didn't turn out to be that. I played a part in their ending. Maybe one more so that the other - but the details don't matter. I played a part. As did they. And all that has happened, and didn't happen, is as it is.

I've felt guilt-ridden about friendships ending, I've felt hurt and in a place of disbelief. I've been in denial, I replayed memories over and over and sent endless texts which were left unanswered.

When we grieve the death of a family member, the world tiptoes around us, giving us the room to feel that pain. When a long term romantic relationship draws to a close, others shower us with sympathy and expect us to spend a few weeks crying in bed. They allow for our sadness. But when a friendship is over, it's almost completely ignored. It feels childish to talk about that suffering as if reminds everyone a little too much of primary school, playground arguments.

Yet, the loss of anyone in your life who was once important, matters. It has an impact. One of the hardest things I've gone through as an adult is accepting that a friendship is over. There's nothing more isolating than having the one person you told everything to, gone. I don't fall out with my friends often. I'm an adult after all, and I'd like to think a fairly drama-free one. The majority of my friendships I've had for over 10 years. So saying what seems to a premature goodbye to that is not something I'm used to, and there are so many memories made, that it's impossible not to dwell on them.

What happens when those forever friendships don't last?
Both everything, and nothing.
My entire world has both changed and stayed exactly the same.

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Friday, 18 January 2019

I Like My Boring Life.




Something I recently became aware of, even embarrassed by, is how boring my life is. 
I've felt stupid when I found myself lacking in fun anecdotes when friends asked me what I've been up to, and cringed as I once again said: "oh, not much really, just the usual." 
I filmed vlogmas and it seemed I spent my time editing 24 almost identical days of my life, and I put them live and felt ashamed of how repetitive my day to day is. 

My mum asked me if I always get bored of sitting in my room, for a brief moment, I felt that familiar shame, and then I realised the truth is no, I don't. 

My life is boring, there's no doubt about it, yet still, I like it, so does that really matter?


I'm a creature of habit, I'm rewatching Gilmore Girls for (I think) the 4th time, and find it so much more enjoyable now I pretty much know all of Lorelai's bits word by word. I like my routine, I find comfort in the predictable. Last minute plans make me feel anxious, and honestly, sometimes I  would rather be in my PJs with a book than in elaborate social situation which although it might make for good stories, that doesn't mean I'll be having a good time. 



Why should I have to step out of my comfort zone if I want to? So what if I like staying home and reading? Does that make me boring? Does boring that really depend on the places we go and the people we see? The inner workings of the mind can be something of wonder, just because you don't see what's going on in somebodies head that doesn't automatically make it dull. It should cause for intrigue, not the assumption.

What if the bubbles in my bath are as exciting as I want things to get? And my idea of going a little bit wild is not setting an alarm but knowing I will most likely still be awake at 8am.

Sure, sometimes I like going for drinks with my friends, chatting to strangers and seeing where the night takes me. It's fun every now and then, but when all is said and done, I like the simple pleasures of the plants in my bedroom and a nice cup of tea. Sometimes I don't want to go to places in search of stories to tell. I like my life, as boring as it is. I like staying home and painting, crocheting and watching netflix and falling in love with the characters in my books. Sometimes the world I create is my house is big enough for me. It might seem boring, maybe it is, but I like it, and surely that's all that matters.



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Monday, 14 January 2019

Creating my 2019 Vision Board.


I wanted to write a blog post to go alongside my 'vision board with me' video which I recently posted to my Youtube channel (and can be found at the end of this blog post). I found myself wanting to continue rambling about vision boards, but twenty minutes for one Youtube video is already enough.

There are a few reasons I vision board. For manifestation, for clarity, for the creative process and for aesthetics.

I initially began vision-boarding when hitting a low led me to read self-help books, which led me to the law of attraction. One day I decided enough was enough and finally created a vision board as I'd noticed them popping up all over the place in the things I was reading and watching. I felt an urgency to create my vision board in that moment, so I made do with what I could find in the house, which was an old board for artwork.


When I removed everything from the vision board at the start of the year, I'd assumed most it would go back on, however, I wanted a fresh start, so still, I proceeded to take down the magazine clippings.
I was surprised when the majority of these pieces ended up in the recycling rather than back on my new vision board.

When it comes to choosing what makes the cut, I completely trust my gut. I go for what jumps out at me, and sometimes read things in my own way. The thing with going with your gut is that you end up pulling things from magazines that you didn't know you wanted. For me, a few things which unexpectedly made my pile centred around love and romance, something I was unaware I was looking for or rather convinced myself I had no interest in.

I was intending to write, to scribble quotes and the specifics of what I was after on my vision board, but once I finished sticking, I realised it said enough. The aesthetics of this mood board were different than before, it felt calming to look at, and that reflected mindfulness I'm trying to take forward into the new year.



All in all, I enjoy the process,  I find myself feeling grounded, and centred when creating something with my hands (it's what draws me to painting, drawing and crocheting). Coming away from the process I find a new self-awareness. It's somewhere to focus my attention. When I lose direction, it's somewhere to look, a reminder of what I want, and the journey I'm on.


I thought about writing a list of what I wanted from the year before beginning the process so I had some idea what I wanted to add to the vision board, why I was creating it. I decided against that, as I flicked through endless magazines, my gut told me, and that's something I've learned to trust.


It gave me clarity on some many things which I want to bring into my life, so I knew I was looking for, others I blindly chased, here are some of those things:
a positive state of mind
love
books
writing
to find my purpose
career success
and so much more.


I just wanted to discuss why I vision board and my process a bit more as it's something which changes both everything and nothing.


If you're interested in seeing my previous vision board and reading a little about it, it gets a little mention and some pictures in this blog post, and the video I mentioned earlier is below!



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Friday, 11 January 2019

Some Personal Accomplishments From 2018:



- Quit my job which made me unhappy.
- Went to personal training sessions 2-3 times a week throughout the summer, and enjoyed them. Became fitter than ever. Learned to challenge my body and mind.
- Read 23 books.
- Got back into driving lessons after having to stop due to illness.
- Completed a course on writing for the magazines, and received feedback which made me think 'maybe I can actually do this writing thing'.
- Sent endless pitches to magazines, and didn't give up, despite feeling disheartened by the rejections.
- Completed Vlogmas.
- Forced myself to go places, to socialise with my friends when I was terrified of fainting.
- Went on a beach holiday for the first time in years.
- Blogged to a regular schedule through the majority of the year.
- Went to a blogging event.
- Wrote 45000 words of my first book.
- Posted personal poetry to Instagram, allowing myself to be vulnerable online.
- Realised when being vulnerable online was affecting how I felt and knew it was time to stop sharing.
- Rebuilt some family relationships.
- Felt my saddest and got through it.
- Had a really nice day, despite being 'dumped' by the guy I was seeing.
- Improved some friendships.
- Booked my driving test.
- Became less anxious about sex.
- Didn't give up.
- Wore a bikini without thinking about how my body looked.
- Had some people I admire follow me on social media (hello Emma Gannon and Lucy Sheridan).
- Stop reckless spending.
- Didn't buy more lipsticks or eye palettes.


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Monday, 7 January 2019

My 2019 Goals.

 


As one year draws to a close, and we prepare for a new year, it becomes very clear people fall into two categories. There are the people who get excited for a new year, claiming this will be their year, and set endless ambitious goals. And then, of course, there are the people who take the piss out of their positive enthusiasm.

I fall into the first category. Something about the New Year fills me with hope, often I make myself cringe at how keen I am for a new year, and knowing set goals which often seem unrealistic because it's always better to try.


So without further ado - here is my list of goal which I'm hoping my make progress with this year:

- Pass my driving test and get a car. Finally. It's taking me a while I know, but I'm so close to achieving this one now,
- Get articles published in magazines. I've been pitching a while and I'm yet to have any luck, but that's only made me want to work harder
- Finish my book and begin my search for a publisher. I'm 45,000 words in at the moment, so the first draft finish line is nearing, it's just case of editing this draft until it's good, and finding somebody else that believes in it.
- Save £5000.
- Read 30 books.
- Reach 1000 subscribers on youtube. You can find my channel here if you want to help a girl out.
- Work with brands on blog content.
- Start taking Instagram more seriously. Build up my follow count, post regularly, document life on my stories, work with photographers etc etc
- Stick to a weekly work out routine. Go for a run/work out 3 times a week.
- Get up earlier, get into a good morning routine.
- Create more art. Paint, draw, doodle more.
- Document my life more. Take photos for me,  scrapbook, write in my diary more, vlog more.
- Start dating. I've been extremely single for years, not wanting to meet anyone, but 2019 will be the year I will brave putting myself out there (more about why it will be in an upcoming blog post, so keep your eyes peeled).


I'm excited to start working on these goals, and to see all the wonderful things 2019 will bring! I'd love to know what goals you've set yourself for this year!



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Friday, 4 January 2019

Some 2018 Highlights.

Happy New Year!


 I'm so excited for 2019 and all the things wonderful things I hope it will bring, more on that soon, but for now, I thought it would be nice to reflect a little on the year just gone. So, here some bits from my 2018 highlight reel...

Portugal

This year I took a beach holiday with my friends, something I hadn't done in years. It was wonderful spending my days in the sun, listening to waves whilst reading books, and filling my evenings with cocktails and laughter.

Fitness 

2018 is the first year I've really taken my own fitness seriously. During Summer I went to outdoor personal training sessions 2-3 times a week and spent time laughing with my sister, and cousin who also happens to be my trainer, whilst challenging my body. It's the best I've ever felt.

 Walking in the Woods

 One of my favourite ways to spend a Sunday is going for a walk amongst nature with some of my closest friends. We did it a couple of times through the year and each time it left me feeling contented and grounded.


Bristol Food Tour

 Some friends  and I went on the Bristol Food Tour the year, which gave us the opportunity to try some great food in our hometown. I wasn't well at the time, so I fainted, but aside from that, it was a pretty great day, we tried so many yummy dishes, discovered new places to eat and got to spend time together.

Reconnecting with family

 Something which came hand in hand with personal training was reconnecting with some family as my cousin was my personal trainer. After going years without spending time together, it was amazing to build that relationship back up and towards the end of the year, I loved going to my cousins baby shower.


 Shooting with Madi

I've spent many fun days taking blog photos with my friend Madi. It's so good to have a friend who really understands the blog thing and it's great to help each other out. These days have been both fun and productive, which is super rewarding. Alongside this, we went to a blog event together, and for the first time ever I felt like a 'real' blogger.



Museum visits, harbourside walks and coffee with Kelsey 

I had so many nice days sipping lattes, looking at art, eating pizza and chatting about evvverything with my friend Kelsey that these days deserve their own special mention.

Quitting my job

2018 was the year I decided I needed a new start, to take a leap faith, and finally left the job which was so far from the right career path for me. 


  My birthday

 On turning 27, I had the best day with my mum (vlog here) got very spoilt, went out with some friend for food and drinks and danced a lot, it was great.

Began creating Youtube videos again

 and actually completed vlogmas (yes I'm very proud of this one)


Went to a teamaking workshop at the Bird & Blend Tea Company

and realise how much I truly love a cup of tea.

 

Celebrated Christmas 

 with friends, family, food and love. 

Seeing Ryleigh grow up

This year one of my best friends little babies seem to have really grown up and it feels really special watching it happen. It's so sweet seeing her walk, babble and laugh - she really is the happiest baby!


Please let me know some of your highlights from the year!

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