Something I have been thinking about a lot recently is my identity, the identity of others - who I am and who the people around me are, and how the time changes us, and everything else.

In a recent conversation with a friend I heard myself saying "I don't even relate to the person, I used to be" which is completely true. I've changed, and I've grown. I think as a young person it's easy to look for ourselves in others, rather than within our own being. We find ourselves getting lost amongst the crowd because as a young person the way we form our identity, is often through others.

Once upon a time, I would have defined myself by the people I surround myself with, but several broken friendship later, I'm not so sure that's the case. These once friendships have actually helped me to shape the person I am today as I've realised I should rely on others when in search of myself.

I used to hide from myself and try to be like others - it's taken me until 25 years to release me and my sister have very different personality and that's how we're supposed to be, rather than feeling envious of her very busy social life, I can appreciate that I would not enjoy that.

I think we gain small pieces of our identity from the media we consume, the characters we fall in love with and the music we listen to. Some characters I've found myself relating to including Peyton Sawyer, Aria Montgomery, and of course Luna Lovegood - however, although I might comfort find fragments of these made-up people, they don't build up the whole picture. There are so much more details to every being.

Everything we experience builds us up to who we are. But our experiences will lead us to live like the person that's are our core. We are in there somewhere, our experience help in the search of self-awareness.

There was a time I hide the things I loved because I was ashamed of who I was. A fear of not being cool enough, which is 100% ridiculous. I'm not long embarrassed to spend my evenings writing poetry rather than drinking alcohol with 15 friends - but there was a time I used to be, and that version of myself was a lot less content.

Passion is strange on when faced with the question what do you want to do with the rest of your life at 18 because sometimes we forget it and panic, we think what should I do rather than what I want to do, we often think to outwards rather than inwards. Our passion is in our actions, I want to write, I do it every day, through choice - that's not something to be disregarded.

Our passions make us who we are. How we spend our downtime, and how we act in the face of trauma determined how unique we truly are. Something we should embrace.

We are more than just one thing, we are not as simple are we pretend to be. Something to remember next time you think your friends has changed or feeling pressured in making plans you don't want. You do not know every aspect of everyone's identity, both your own and your friends. There is so much more to people than meet the eye. You'll only discover who you are by spending time with yourself.
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Lately, I haven't been in the greatest headspace, if I'm honest, I've mainly been feeling pretty damn right crap, but I also haven't been doing all that much to prevent this feeling. I simply found myself stuck in a rut, and felt very cooped up in my own house. After leaving my previous job, I've been at home concentrating on blog stuff, and both facing and ignoring the daunting what's next question, so much so that I distanced myself from the outside world and found sadness in my current situation, where sadness needn't be,

This week, however, seems to be completely different. I feel as though I've gone into this the week (I'm writing this on Monday) with a new perspective (let's hope it lasts until, at least Friday)  and a fresh mind, and I'm putting that down to fresh air and friends.

Sunday afternoon I went for a roast (veggie one for me), and a very muddy walk through Leigh Woods with two of my friends.  I love exploring with my camera, and catching up with friends,  and I think the day was arranged just in time for when I needed it. It really cleared my mind and gave me the opportunity to appreciate what's around me.

Somebody, remind me to go outside more! The world is a beautiful place and my laptop screen, and self-inflicted blues should not stop me from taking it in.