Some things it seems are written in the stars. Luke and Lorelai, that J.K Rowling had a dream which led her to write Harry Potter, the perfect job you accidentally stumbled across, going for coffee which turns into falling in love with the barista and facing the world with your best friend by your side.

There are those friendships which you never question. When you meet someone, and you know they are going to impact your life. There is no doubt in the back of your mind that you'll be a bridesmaid at her wedding, and the whacky 'auntie' to her children. You don't doubt that you'll still be laughing together as you grow old. You feel more complete when you hang out, no secrets are off limits and the totally platonic relationship becomes the total centre of your universe.

What happens when these forever friendships, really aren't that? Although it seemed untouchable, it shattered. It makes no difference, how well you got along with her mum or how at home you felt in her house when you are no longer invited.

There is no guarantee friendships are forever. Sometimes we outgrow friends, they outgrow us and we don't realise we've grown apart until it's too late. And sometimes reality, hurt and miscommunications can bring that friendship to a crashing, unrepairable halt. With that. the one aspect of your future you thought could rely on, is no longer there.

Friendships end for different reasons. I've spent my nights awake trying to dish out the blame. I have lost some friends through faults of my own, and some I've passed the blame onto others. Reading Dolly Alderton's Memoir, Everything I Know About Love, I found myself underlining the words her therapist told her "'Unless someone dies,' she told me one Friday, 'if something bad happens in a relationship, you have played a part in it.'" That has become something which I've thought about again and again in relation to my two forever friendship which didn't turn out to be that. I played a part in their ending. Maybe one more so that the other - but the details don't matter. I played a part. As did they. And all that has happened, and didn't happen, is as it is.

I've felt guilt-ridden about friendships ending, I've felt hurt and in a place of disbelief. I've been in denial, I replayed memories over and over and sent endless texts which were left unanswered.

When we grieve the death of a family member, the world tiptoes around us, giving us the room to feel that pain. When a long term romantic relationship draws to a close, others shower us with sympathy and expect us to spend a few weeks crying in bed. They allow for our sadness. But when a friendship is over, it's almost completely ignored. It feels childish to talk about that suffering as if reminds everyone a little too much of primary school, playground arguments.

Yet, the loss of anyone in your life who was once important, matters. It has an impact. One of the hardest things I've gone through as an adult is accepting that a friendship is over. There's nothing more isolating than having the one person you told everything to, gone. I don't fall out with my friends often. I'm an adult after all, and I'd like to think a fairly drama-free one. The majority of my friendships I've had for over 10 years. So saying what seems to a premature goodbye to that is not something I'm used to, and there are so many memories made, that it's impossible not to dwell on them.

What happens when those forever friendships don't last?
Both everything, and nothing.
My entire world has both changed and stayed exactly the same.

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