Roses on bedsheets - an outlook on love, valentines day blog post

In my 27 years, I've been in one long term romantic relationship. Aside from those 2 and a half years, I've taken on the role of the single friend amongst the couples. I'm the one who likes to shout that she doesn't need a man. For someone with an obsession with love, I've been pretty cynical about it, with my feet firmly planted in the ground of I'm not going to be sad about being single, and I'd rather be alone than with somebody because I'm lonely. In other words, my attitude completely took dating off the cards. I didn't want to be somebody who relied on a relationship for happiness. I guess I didn't feel that spending the majority of my life single was evidence enough to prove I'm not reliant on relationship hopping. The thought of romance left a bitter taste in my mouth, and for someone who reads a lot of romance novels, and watches endless romcoms, I wouldn't allow for my own love stories.

I'd written a narrative for myself which ultimately left me alone because I somehow got the impression there's was a weakness in wanting to spend your life with another person. And this rule I made up, applied to nobody other than myself. I didn't think badly of friends in relationships, although occasionally I might feel a little jealous pop-up. I didn't judge people based on their partner and they didn't lose their personality or become half of a person when they were coupled up.

Something has switched in my mind recently; I realised the way I've been looking at love is ensuring I'm alone through fear. A fear that dating will impact who I am, that I'll become weakened if I'm open to feeling.

It's time I go back, erase some of what I decided, and brave being open to romance. Nobody actually wants to go to bed alone, and people seem to glow when they fall in love. I miss the childlike butterflies of first kisses and the possibilities of where another person can take you.

When two people are in love, they don't take from each other, they compliment each other, enhance their lives.

I might not find the love of my life anytime soon, but I think it's time I drew in my claws and realised there's no weakness in wanting more, in wanting somebody. And if it all goes to shit, maybe I'll end up with some funny date anecdotes along the way.

I don't think lesser of people who are in love. Relationships are hard, it takes growth, self-awareness and compromise to keep them afloat. Those are qualities to be admired rather than afraid of.

I read this poem, and I haven't stopped wondering what it must feel like, to know, to have that security, that the one person you want to see, no matter what, who will be there when you get home.

I guess I wouldn't say no to that.

I'm learning that craving intimacy doesn't make me weak. It makes me human.
Roses on bedsheets - an outlook on love, valentines day blog post