Blonde girl, smiling, wearing a black tee and white striped shorts, in front of the water at bristol harbourside
A few weeks have passed since I sat at my laptop and typed out a blog post. My regular Monday posts temporarily vanished. I took some time to reevaluate. For a while, I’ve felt a distance from this platform, despite churning out new content on a weekly basis, something felt lacking, the process felt forced. It felt like the work of someone stuck in a routine, rather than someone in love with their life.  

The thing is, I changed, but my content didn't. I began this blog in 2014, as a lost fashion student wanting to share her lipstick obsession. Now it's 2019,  and I still love a lippy but I want more from this platform. I want this to be a place which like me, is constantly evolving. A place of growth.

I guess that was what the break was, a way for me to create room to manage the growing pains. Distance to figure out where I want to take this website of mine. Lately, I've been using living as a tool of self-discovery, rather than just writing. I temporarily traded in the typing and sharing to make room to explore what I was feeling. I've been learning the places my passions live because you can't put your soul into something which doesn't get your heart beating.

Humans are supposed to grow and evolve, we're supposed to learn new things about ourselves and the universe. We are supposed to wake up one day, a completely different person than a few months before just in similar skin. Like the seasons, we change as time passes. This year has felt like a year of growth for me. A year of self-discovery, of learning what I want from life, and attempting to reshape my world, moulding the days and dreams into something both beautiful and tangible.  I've chosen to take control of the places I once thought were unreachable. I'm learning to not be so passive to my hopes and dreams and looking for the courage to work for them.

I made this video at the start of the year, where I spoke about how I wanted to use the Law of Attraction to recreate the life I was living, about how I no longer wanted to be fuelled by sadness and weighed down by defeat. That decision changed everything.

It made me realise I'm in the driver's seat. Although it doesn't always feel like it, I can always, in some way, take control. It made me understand, there are small choices I can make each day which affect how I feel, and how I feel alters how things look on the outside.

This has been the year I've realised, I'm allowed to be happy, and that life doesn't have to be as hard is it sometimes feels. And when it feels that way, it is temporary - feelings; like us, and like the season, are changing.

I've had a year of putting back the pieces and figuring out what fits. Alongside learning the depths of who I am. I’m beginning to understand that thoughts should not be mutable things, and this should be a place where I can turn the volume up on the sounds in my mind. This should be a place where I can feel completely me, whichever version of me that might be.

Where does this leave my blog?!

I love blogging. The little break was nothing more than a reminder of that. For my own sanity, I need to write, and I love to share with others. It’s important to me that my thoughts live beyond my own mind, and that I use images to create a map of my world for both myself and the strangers that stumble upon I want to give out little pieces of myself because something in that vulnerability feels brave, it makes me feel full. But I’ve realised website should also be a growing, evolving thing, so I’ve begun to make some changes around here.

I want to concentrate less on lipsticks, and more on self-development. I want to create a space which promotes a positive lifestyle because God only knows I've needed that place from time to time. You may have also noticed the changes in my Instagram bio or my youtube videos too. I want to focus on making the mediocre magical, as sometimes it feels as though the mediocre is all you've got, and everyone is entitled to a little magic.

This ~journey~ I've been talking about, I think it's my search for peace and purpose, it’s above the materialistic things,  it’s more than ticking boxes so society can deem my worth. What I really desire is to live my purpose and to feel at peace.

The life I’ve got now is a pretty good one, but still, I want more. I want something wonderful. I believe there's more, and I'm going search until I find it.

If you're here for the beauty stuff, fear not, I have an exciting beauty (and book) based project launching in the near future. But this website will focus on self-growth, creating good vibes,  my thoughts, feelings, and possibly some books because I think words can change your world.

For the first time in a long time, I'm inspired and I'm excited to see what's next. I hope you are too!
Love C x