Monday, 11 March 2019

On Writing Poetry.



If you follow me on Instagram, you may know I write poetry, which I used to post. Somewhere along the lines, imposter syndrome hit, and I became embarrassed of that vulnerability, so I deleted it from my feed, and like that, it went back to being my secret habit.

It's something which carries both shame and pride for me. It's often a source of insecurity, it feels like an uncool hobby, and the writing tends to be about my feelings, which although they matter, it can be pretty intense to be so raw with them. It feels cringe.

I've always loved writing poetry, despite never being particularly talented at it. I'm an over-thinker, an avid reader and a diary keeper, writing it feels natural, it slots into who I am.

I remember writing a poem with my auntie and uncle when I was younger, I think for a school project and enjoying playing with the words, laughing with them as we tried to create rhymes, and rearranged words. I remember the pride a felt when I figured the combination of those words which worked the best.

I wrote a  poem in primary school which got published in a local church book, and that was the first time I'd done something which had got recognised. I was so proud.

Once I made a tumblr, with the username Iwillbecomeawriter, where I posted poetry, but soon deleted it due to insecurity.

There have been times my head has felt like it's exploding and my heart breaking, and finding a tangible, maybe beautiful way to put that on to paper, made it easier to cope. Despite being dreadful at spelling, I don't remember a time I wasn't fascinated with words and how we string them together. How they can carry weight and how the right combination of them, can make a person feel. Words can evoke emotion which you didn't even know was there.


I'm usually quite a closed person. I'm introverted, shy and I struggle to talk out loud about my feelings, it's not how I communicate, speaking doesn't always work for me, I stutter, and hold back, sometimes I simply can't seem to make the words move from my mind to something which comes out of my mouth. But writing down nonsense, and trying to make it something, trying to untangle how I feel amongst the words, that's what works for me.

I don't think I'm good at writing, but I long to be. I'm a great believer in practice so each day this month I'm writing a poem, whether I feel like it or not, and I'm posting it to this Instagram, whether I think it's good or not because I want to push myself. I want to teach myself to be better with words, I want to have the ability to make people feel, and I want to take in all that I feel.

It's cringe for sure, it's embarrassing, writing poetry. But some pretty cool people do it too, and I've felt nothing for than admiration for those people. Plus I'd be doing it whether I shared it or not, so it's about time I rediscovered that pride I had as a child when my poetry was published for others to see.



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