If you are a family member of mine, this is definitely time for you to close the tab and do something else. If you are not, grab a cuppa because I feel like this may be a long post.
If you read my post on dating, you will see I mentioned there I'm not having any sex. A little TMI, but there you have it, it has been while, to say the least.
I feel as though I go through phases with sex, and at the moment, I've pretty much taken my virginity back steered clear of any penis. That's not because I don't want sex because let's face it, everyone wants sex, everyone enjoys sex, as a society we're pretty damn obsessed with it. And it's also not as though I don't have the opportunity, a couple of swipes on Tinder and I could get lucky.
And even if I didn't want to sleep with someone from Tinder, there have been opportunities, because like I said, everyone wants sex. And there have been times I've wanted to. But I've felt the need to stop myself.
Why?
Goddamnit Chloe.
I am slut shaming myself? Will I feel like a slut if I have sex with someone I want to have sex with?Even if I were a slut, what is the issue with that? It's my body to do what I want with.
I would never judge another person depending on their sexual experiences, so why do I place such judgment on myself?
You don't have sex and you're frigid, you do and you're a slut, you come pretty close to it, but stop through fear of being called a slut, and congratulations, you're now a tease.
But does it matter which of these things you are? As long as sex is consensual on both parts, it's all good right?
And then they are feeling. I'm sure many girls have thought, if I charm him with my vagina, he might catch the feelings, and he doesn't then you feel used and stupid. Sex won't make someone fall in love with you, contrary to what the rom coms tell you.
But what if I don't want them to fall in love with me?
Why do we attach so many emotions to sex? Even if I don't want them to fall in love with me, I need to think about this, a lot.
I completely believe sex can just be sex, it came to mean nothing. If you're in the right frame of mind, doing it with the right person and know exactly where you stand. But maybe no if it becomes a regular thing, or you feel the desire to text every day for updates on their life the week after.
And then there are fuckboys. I've got to be honest, I can't help at least you know where you stand with a fuckboy, there is no confusion, you know what it is. So why not fuck the fuckboy. It's just sex after all - but then there is a worry, of that post-sex hangover, where you feel pretty crappy about yourself. Also, fucking a fucking boy is kind of shooting yourself in the foot. You're setting yourself up for disappointment.
And then there is love, is love a requirement for sex? Well, no it's not - but give it a bit of love, and then maybe I won't feel so cheap in the morning. Having said that, we've got desires, so why shouldn't we enjoy ourselves if we're not in love. I mean, we're not having those loved up butterflies, so we may as well deserve an orgasm once in a while.
We are at our most vulnerable when we have sex. Sex in an intimate thing. Which I guess in my eyes means the thought of it is a little intimidating - when it gets to actually doing it, it's fine, but the thought can make me nervous, and I don't know if that's normal.
I don't want to be a slut, I also don't know if I want a relationship, and just because I'm out of a relationship why does that restrict my rights to have sex? And why do I put so much weight in the word slut?
At the end of the day, sex is just sex, and it means different things to different people, which I guess makes it confusing and encouraged this stream of thoughts. I think everyone is completely entitled to have a little or a much or no consensual sex with whoever they wish, but my own personal preference I'm unsure of.
I'd love to hear your thoughts!
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