On trying.

Something which comes alongside and usually before succeeding is trying. Something which comes alongside and usually before trying is fear. As humans, we often make assumptions about our abilities, we have a biased idea of what's realistic for us. what we are 'good' at and where we fall short. These assumptions can then play into that fear. They create a domino effect pushing down our desire to try and ability to succeed. These assumptions leave dreams and ambitions, as just that. An idea in our heads, a figment of our imagination and nothing more. 

Sometimes the fear an excuse, a way for us to not put in the effort, it's our personal jail free card. It's the mindset of "I'm rubbish at that, so there's no point trying" which I know only too well. 

The thing is, often it's all in my head, the idea I'm rubbish at something. Through lack of attempts, sure it seems tangible. The little effort is reflected in lack of ability which creates the illusions that I right in not trying, because the feeble attempts, without the actual work, aren't successful. But what if I stopped basing my ideas on illusions, instead looked for proof. Where to find proof? The proof in the trying. You never know if you don't try. I don't mean some half-assed occasional effort. I mean trying with my full ass. Trying until things get uncomfortable. Can I push myself to be good at something I've told myself I'm bad at? There's only one way to find out.

I've blogged for years, but social media hasn't been my strong suit. I've convinced myself over and over I'm just bad at building a following, so haven't put the effort in. 

I've written daily but imposter syndrome has stopped me feeling worthy, so I haven't sent the pitches.

I stopped sharing my poetry through fear of being vulnerable.

I set up a newsletter but was too concern about the typos and spelling mistakes to click send.

Those aren't full ass attempts. Heck, they're not even half a cheek.

What will happen when I decide the fear doesn't matter? If anything the fear an indication I'm trying and always, I'd like to be known as the girl who puts the effort in, someone who's determined and hard-working. 

So, now is where I start trying. Here is where I stare fear in the face. Maybe I'll be successful, and maybe I won't, but I think the trying counts for more than we give it credit for.

So with all of this in mind... this will be my first newsletter, to give you an idea of how I'll be exploring my thoughts in your inboxes, I thought I'd post it to the blog too. 

You can subscribe here for more newsletters where I'll be exploring my thoughts.

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