Friday, 2 November 2018

Dear Diary,



My mum tried to, kindly, talk to me about the big 'what next'. She told me that I need to think about it. I haven't been able to stop crying since, because it's all I've been thinking about and still I don't have the answer.

Everything I want to do with my life takes the building, and it seems people in the career paths I want to be in, have been given different bricks to me. I'm not saying they didn't work for it, because I know they did. But what happens when the work doesn't seem to be paying off? When you're completely invisible, how do you make yourself seen? The work never seems to form anything tangible. Other people just don't seem to care about it, does that mean it's time to give up?

I don't want to spend the rest of my life, in a job I dislike, I want a career I'm proud of, one which I've built with my own two hands, but maybe I'm incapable of that.

Logically, I know they haven't, but I feel the people around me have waltzed into the right careers and I've barely taken a step forward since graduating if anything I've stepped backwards.

I turn 27 soon, and I don't have a job, which for someone who reads endless career books, is heartbreaking.

People keep telling me "loads of people have jobs they don't want" I know they do, but is it really such a bad thing that I want more than that for myself? Wanting to enjoy my life, is not too much to ask for, surely.

I guess there's nothing to do, but keep working, and hopefully, in the future, I'll have some more positive diary entries to share,

Love,
Chloe x


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