Monday, 19 March 2018

On Accepting Temporary.



The security of our choices is something which fluctuates, some things we decide create a blanket of safety, other demands us to fight our way through the unknown. There have been decisions which I have made with left me feeling stable, wrapped comfort in what seemed permanent. Whether that being the security I felt a year into my only real relationship, or starting a new job that felt like 'the one'.  To my surprise, these things didn't last, although at the time they felt like forever things.

There are times in our life, where it is expected to feel more secure, more stable with where we are at. In our late 20, society seems to anticipate us walking up a career ladder, buying a home and planning our future families with the one we love. In contrast to our early 20's, it's expected we're at the uni stage, where it's no surprise if we're sleeping around and wasting money on a degree we have no intention of using. There's also the classic midlife crisis when we get sick of the stability.

At 26 years old, I firmly thought I'd have things figured out by now, however, I really don't.

I'm not going to go on too much about how my life is not what I expected it to be, there's only so many times I can bang on about that before it gets boring, and predictable (I'm sure you can find plenty of posts if you look through my archive).

But I do want to talk about how temporary everything feels.


I am not settled in the slightest. After having a lot of career based cries, I'm coming to accept that I might just have to have a few more bridge jobs. I can't become an author before I write a book, and my blog is not making money, and until it does, it cannot pay the bills. Ultimately, I want to write and I want to blog. Anything, before I get to my goal, is temporary.

It's very easy to let that grey cloud consume me. To feel left behind, lost and worthless, even envious as I watch my friends smashing it with their careers. But sometimes, it takes a journey to get where you need to go. No one gets to skip the work, so it's time I stop hoping that I'll wake one day, and my blog will be raking in the cash. I mean, I will wake up many days that it does, but what I'm saying is, it won't happen overnight (4 years down the line, you'd think I'd have grasped that by now), I need to stop feeling sad that I am not an overnight success.

So it's time to suck it up and do the bridge jobs.  If I work in retail for a bit will not take away from the big plans, and who knows maybe I'll meet some really great people, and learn a few valuable lessons.

Accepting that they are temporary, is what will make them bareable.


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I met a guy recently I met a guy 8 years ago and recently he popped back up in my life. We drank coffee and caught up, and I struggled to concentrate on what he was saying to because all I could think about is how I want to kiss him, and how did I never notice how attractive he is?  We're in the same place and the same time, and for once the timing is not off. But it is running out. He's moving away.



I cannot get attached, and our situation is screaming casual at me.


I've been asked me what the point is. Surely, there's no point, if he's leaving, it can't be anything real. But I see the point. Why does it hold less value if it's temporary? No, he's never going be my boyfriend, but I kind of like him, and want to invest the small amount of time I able to, into spending it with him

Of course, I am more than aware, there is nothing romantic in expiry dates, and building something on with the rule 'do not fall in love'.


 Sometimes, it's really as simple as, I just want to have a nice time for a bit.

Why should I not spend time with someone that I want to spend time because it's temporary and uncategorised?

I am not looking to fall in love, I wrote about my contentment with being single in last weeks post here, with that in mind, why can't I just enjoy something for what it is? Even Especially if it is not for long.

He will leave, but the world will not end. Isn't something small, and part-time better than nothing at all?


Sometimes bad and good walk hand in hand. If you want the good, the bad may come too.
It's nice to have a taster of both worlds. As long as I step carefully something temporary will fit for now. I just can't wrap myself up in it and bathe.

Temporary happens, whether planned or not. Sometimes temporary is a necessary stepping stone, and some things aren't meant forever. Sometimes the briefest moment is ones worth having.


What's wrong with thinking of right now, rather than a future which is forever changing? 







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Something's clicked for me, since I've realised that temporary, is not that bad, it's freeing to embrace a forever changing world.




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