I recently started writing poetry again, and I'll be the first to say it's bad, really bad - but we all start somewhere, right?! I thought something which might keep me motivated with this hobby is blogging my writing, then hopefully I'll be able to see an improvement through each blog post. Now these are quite personal to me, so it's kinda strange to share them with the internet, nonetheless here goes:

 _____

3.8.16

A few more months
Two years on
A few more weeks
Just for now. Temporary.

If it's a compliment,
What's this feeling of helpless resent?

Incompatable, Uncomfortable, Incomplete.
Losing my sense of me, 
I'm living a strangers reality.

8 till 6, 
a lack of passion.
heart is panicking through creative ration.

I have no choice,
Never anything more
Stealing my chance to explore, other option -
career forgotten

Little pay, less purpose, 
But yes I'll stay
Each forgotten day

Life unsatisfactory,
Over and over repeating
Nothing filling,

Not worth my time,
but they think I'm no better,
than working for pence
at my life's expense.

_____

3.8.16

5 years wasted
A realisation, a burning
pain,
A need to move
forward
A worth to 
gain

You will not understand, how
contrasting, complex, minds compare.
Yet the vibration which travels from your 
lips, more than unfair.
As we chitter chatter over salad, 

Don't fucking tell me 
my feelings are invalid.


_____

7.8.16

Why is it when I confess, I do
not care the gender or the 
genitals of lips I kiss, the body
I undress, the heart I caress.

There's an assumption, it is my invitation,
to make use of your sick, filthy
imagination.

If I were after a threesome,
It wouldn't be with you I'd have my fun.
So you and your muddy mind
Can do one.

_____

14.8.16

Why does my self-worth 
weigh on,
if you find the energy 
in your busy fingers, and the time
out of your empty day
to text me
back?
I don't want to be the girl like that. 

I tell myself,
 as I stare into the soul of my smashed 
iPhone
with the realisation 
I am
all
alone.


____

16.8.16

Each and every single time I hear
a peep from your mouth
or catch your eye
    I feel the need to spill 
Every deep dark thing
my heart has to offer

In hope, you'll take pleasure 
in helping me 
clear up the
mess.

____